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Workpost 63: Extreme procrastination
I’m struggling with some extreme procrastination where I don’t want to work at all.
Let me try to process.
I feel like there is no point and I feel overwhelmed. I feel it in my chest, this invisible resistance.
I feel scared to shoot more videos, it brings up fear in my heart.
I guess anything I do I can break down into a process instead of doing everything all at once.
Workpost 12: Deep Journaling
I was doing some deep journaling in the form of questions and answers, where I would ask all the questions I have, feel deep in my heart what answer is coming to me, and then asking more questions about those answers.
For example, I will ask myself, what do I do about the anxiety with art? The answer that I feel come up intuitively is to create art which then poses the question, what do I do with art? Then I have the answer, use art to create richness in your life.
I was doing this exercise because I realized at this point in my life, I am so confused on what will happen next and what direction I want to go for my coaching, my career, and my relationship that the best way to serve myself is to get some clarity about what I am feeling and what I want. The faster you make decisions, the faster you progress. I felt that having clarity would make it much easier to make faster decisions.
I had quite a few revelations from this exercise I wanted to note down a few of the most important ones:
- I will achieve what I want in the field of AI not by working with others and creating a startup but rather by involving others into my creative process. Remember the energy of anything is possible. Solve difficult problems in practical ways and help people dream again. Change the world for the better.
- The long distance relationship does not meet the physical needs of closeness. I will need to dance more to keep in touch with the physical. I want to use emails and video chats to keep connected with my girlfriend on a spiritual level.
- I’ve lost a bit of my focus with coaching where it has become too much about the client. Coaching is not just about helping people create amazing beautiful art, but also to create a space of my design. Aka a space where connection theory and flow theory rule.
- Use your fear of not having enough money to fuel art that creates more wealth than money can buy (not about the value of the art, but the experience about having stories, music, and paintings so beautiful I may as well be rich).
One more note I wanted to make…I had a new idea with coaching a few days ago. I always wanted to create video clips of my coaching in order to show social media, but I was thinking recently, I can create clips that can be used to share something a package that can be used to motivate my clients (clips of songs created during the session, major breakthroughs etc.)
UNIT TWO: Processing pain + work (day 2)
It’s 1 am in the morning and I feel tired.
When I think about drawing on my drawing tablet I feel overwhelmed high in my chest.
I feel really really scared that everything I do will be frustrating and not good or artistic.
Let me start with some inktober sketches.

What strikes me when I draw is that art for me, even just plain linework, is all about discovery, all about uncovering the truth or the world underneath the scribbles. It doesn’t matter if I don’t see the world at first, it emerges from within the shapes.

I mean this style is definitely me, I guess I worry that if I try to refine it, it will lose the liveliness in here. At the same time, I’m not sure I want the business card to be this messy and a part of my wants it to look more like a tarrot card. I imagined a swashbuckling kid with big aviator goggles and a bunch of dripping paint brushes.
Workpost 9: Depression
I’ve been feeling that I need to take a bit of a departure from what I normally write in these workposts because I need to write more about my emotions, and let tools like my todolist take over the structured work elements of my day.
Caged
I feel caged in the prison
Of my own ambition
Unable to do anything
But work
Mindless work
Though I know I love work
It gives me purpose
I can’t shake the feeling that
I’m not happy
Some free part of me is no longer free
I’m starting to feel like a major issue with how I’m approaching life right now is balancing between structure and freedom. I created so much structure to assist me in achieving all my goals, but now I have too much structure. I feel the need to relax and indulge myself a bit and I don’t know how to hold onto both. I suspect there are too many challenges that I am splitting my attention between and the fewer the better. I will seek to finish as much work today as possible so as to not split my attention as much.
I think something else I’ve been thinking about is cleaning my apartment and making it something other than just work. Perhaps that would create the spaciousness and happiness I need. Maybe I need to go outside more, not to do anything in particular, just to walk and think about things. In fact, I wonder if I would worry about having a huge number of things to do if I was able to just walk and think about them.
On second thought, I will try one more day with my multitude of goals, I will not try to finish one to free up my attention. Instead, I will try to find a way to work on all of these goals walking, or at the gym hanging, or crawling around my apartment. Maybe I can make art too! Use art to work through any challenge I have. I will also focus on cleaning up my apartment as much as possible.
Workpost 28: Taxes & Art Therapy
Today I feel very tired but at least better rested than normal. I really want to finish my taxes today and I also want to experiment with art therapy and exercise to help get through the stress and effort of finishing.
My initial thoughts about art therapy is that it is all about reconnecting with your body…to do flow theory or follow what you feel. Art is about touching the forms with lines and paint, music is about creating sound, dance is about moving your body.
I’m doing more research. Here is a video that talks about using art to find a safe place:
Here is another video:
Current art therapy ideas:
- Express what you feel kinesthetically
- Scribbling
- Banging on the piano
- Flow theory dance
- Free writing
- Create a safe space, express what feels safe
- Drawing
- Writing
- Music
- Repetitive motions
- Shapes
- Chords
- Motions
But how does this translate to greater art creation? How does this create a world?
Thinking about this more, art creation is about the following:
- What you want to share with others
- What you find beautiful
- What you feel wonder about
- What stories you want to tell
- What is quirky, unique, and creative
- What worlds you want to live in and provide others
I have a couple ideas of how to transition from therapeutic art to art art:
- My therapy exercise (take a problem and solve it in the story by making the main character face a problem 10x more painful)
- Express what emotions you are feeling strongly
- Capture a memory
- Start with a characters
- Start with world
- Do a fanfic
- Daydream