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Protected: Workpost 3.5: Private Workpost Continued – Background Tasks

Byjack

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Workpost 46: A Black Dragon Called Neelu

Byjack

Today I came up with a new emotional processing tool, finding a way to personify the feelings within me and making friends with them.

The goal is to accept and validate feelings within instead of trying to push them down or quickly process them.

Here are some examples:

  1. Valorant stress and anxiety (fear of being bad/defective, fear of failure) – a little black dragon called Neelu. The tension in my stomach and heart are the dragon’s body my frustration its fire.
  2. The feeling of being overwhelmed by the thought of work – Pedro the Triangle, a pyramid floating in my chest with sharp edges
  3. The desire/pull for attention or to be liked – Lethe the a sort of fast moving air or energy in my chest

These personification, I make friends with them, allow them to be with me while I go about my business.

I also wanted to talk about a really good video I watched.

Some lessons I learned:

  1. Stay consistent
  2. Figure out what you want to be the best at (good enough for others to want to pay you money)
  3. Figure out what comes before the money in terms that is more grounded and more closer to your purpose

Taking the final advice, I wanted to think about it a little more.

I want to make $200,000.

My two goals are:

  1. To help people turn their artistic gifts into masterpieces
    • Works of art that are honest, emotional, grounded, playful, imaginative, personal, and beautiful
  2. To make companies 10x more valuable
    • More purposeful, unique, efficient, intentional, innovative processes, brands, culture, products and leaders (consistent and aligned)

The question I want to ask myself is: how would I need to go about my goals in such a way that it would be strange if I didn’t make $200,000?

Workpost 67: Feeling a little scattered

Byjack

Today I feel a bit scattered between cooking and working on multiple things at the same time. I feel the need to create some order or at least some vision for today.

Here are the possibilities today:

  1. Work on consulting work
  2. Work on my AI business
  3. Work on my art coaching business
  4. Watching hunger games
  5. Work on my relationship
  6. Cooking

Workpost 41: Enjoy Yourself

Byjack

Today I did a long breathwork meditation session after feeling extremely stressed out about three questions:

  1. Should I sign up for jiujitsu again?
  2. Should I do coaching again?
  3. Should I continue therapy?

And all the worrying stressful sub questions:

  1. What about the money for jiujitsu
  2. Jiujitsu is so hard to get good at
  3. People might not buy my coaching if I didn’t do something really big
  4. Therapy costs so much money is it worth it?

And after the meditation, one thing was clear to me. The answer to everything: take everything so much less serious. Have fun!!!

If you have fun doing jiujitsu, sign up for it, go to classes when you feel like it. Have an amazing time doing work. If you love coaching, do it whether or not people believe that you are a good coach or not.

Enjoy yourself. Indulge yourself in boba while working. Take breaks to play on the piano, to draw.

P.S. I did sign up for jiujitsu, and I intend to have fun learning tons of new martial arts.

Workpost 59: Feeling frustrated

Byjack

I’m really struggling to process some feelings right now.

  1. I am working through the stressful emotions that come up when I see an attractive girl
  2. I am working through overwhelmed and frustrated emotions with my current project for my AI consulting
  3. I am working through fear and stress I feel working on my pipelines
  4. I am working through feeling of fear and anxiety around money

Let’s work through them one by one.

Attractive girl

Guilt, shame, deep desire

Center of my chest, painful clenching

Stomach clenching

I am bad

I am defective

I am ugly

I am guilty

I am rejected

I won’t ever find beauty or be happy

What if the perfect one is out there

It’s not about the perfect person who meets all your needs. It’s the relationship that meets all of your needs.

Why do I place all my hopes and dreams on a person? Because I want to be happy and I’ve only felt that in shallow relationships. I like meeting people. I like the feeling of possibility in life of variety.

Can I meet those needs in a relationship? Can I find novelty and excitement in a relationship?

Why is desire such an important need for adventures for me? Just because I’m in a relationship, doesn’t mean I can’t be attractive. But I want to find someone attractive, then for them and me to do the little romantic dance. I worry when I’m in a relationship, that’s not possible anymore.

I think honestly the fear comes from lack of needs being met in the relationship. Specifically around safety, social needs, chemistry, and inspiration. I feel if I felt if I felt safe to talk openly about people that are attractive and my partner is secure enough in herself, I felt my social needs are met, I felt strong chemistry, and inspired I would not find others attractive.

I want to switch my mindset over from comparing and wanting to meet my needs via others, and focus more on the relationship. Looking elsewhere is giving up on the relationship and if I really want to look elsewhere, I want to first end the relationship.

I don’t want to neglect my needs anymore.

I want to first meet my needs myself, then in the relationship:

  1. Safety – self acceptance and kindness
  2. Social needs – be in touch with moment, who people really are
  3. Chemistry – spending more time on self care, self massage
  4. Inspiration – reminding myself of the greatness I am capable of, of the change I can create

For the relationship, I want to continue working through needs course.

I feel fear in my chest when I think about my relationship. I feel uncertainty.

No matter what happens I will find peace and happiness because of the way I engage with the world.

My little emotional processing toolkit for meeting my needs:

  1. Radical acceptance, hold myself, be curious, somatic
  2. Self love, massage
  3. Be in the moment, see things how they are

Chemistry

The indescribable feeling

Like the beauty of the red in the roses

Unfurled

Cutting in the corners, filling then in

This feeling of a world around you

That you carry everywhere you go

Our worlds meet

The openness to connect with me

Ok, this raises so many questions it is time to move along

Project Frustration

I feel lost, overwhelmed, and misunderstood.

What if I fail? What if its all for nothing? I don’t know what to do. It feels like so much work.

I don’t know what to do to be effective. I feel the time is running out so fast.

I need to focus on the end goal. Ignore everything else, its just a bonus.

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Workpost 37: Fundamental Systems

Byjack

Today I feel tired. My kidneys ache. They feel bloated and stagnated. My stomach feels slow. My head iches on the top. My eyes are dry. I feel burning inflammation up my back and spine. My skin is flaking on my face.

These past few days have felt exhausting, extremely stressful, and demoralizing. Last night, I asked myself the question, how do I get out of this.

I didn’t know the answer then, but my answer today during my walk was to take my stress seriously.

And just now, I had a realization that I have the systems developed to do extraordinary things. I just need to utilize them and follow their principals.

Systems in place:

  1. Daily walk to ponder questions I am stressed about
  2. Daily workpost to grow myself, plan for greatness
  3. Clean space to deal with stress, clean place = clean mind
  4. Meal prep strategy for healthy cheap meals with little stress – fridge containers, tacos, lettuce wraps
  5. Whiteboards to write strategies
  6. Off computer working systems (working while walking, running errands, working out, eating out)
  7. Todo list strategy – focus on one thing at a time, prioritize
  8. Clean after working hours to transition, decompress
  9. Crawling to get cardio in small space
  10. Walking backwards and tibialus for knee
  11. Hanging for shoulders and posture
  12. Working out after and before meals for better absorption, muscle growth, and recovery
  13. Journaling to ask myself questions at night
  14. Walking with no effort

I have absolutely everything I need to build a life where I can do almost anything I want, achieve anything I want.

Right now, I want to focus on two things: recovery and priming

Priming are stuff like cleaning, wiping off my whiteboards, clearing out tabs, filling markers, mealprep, todo list grooming

Recovery means lots of sleep, rest, hydration, and exercise. Specifically paying attention to anytime I want to game to see if I feel stressed or uncomfortable, taking a break when that happens.

To top off this post, I want to attach something that I want to erase from my whiteboard, but want to save forever:

Reasons Why I’m Ready

  • I’ve developed very deep and powerful life theories (flow, connection) → these theories can give anyone direction in darkness, I forget them but they come back when I need them
  • When faced with pain I’ve always come out stronger (ACL) → pain is the greatest teacher
  • I’ve proven that I can complete hard challenges (knee, sova) → I can achieve the challenges I set my mind to
  • I can solve problems few people can solve (triage, nikola) → normal rules don’t apply
  • I’m deeply attuned to emotions (coaching, art, philosophy) → makes it much easier to connect with people
  • I used to walk up to girls on the street → Nothing is something I can’t handle. There is nothing that I can’t ask for
  • No matter how badly I fail there are people who still love me
  • The point is not to get there, be productive or succeed, the point is to find a meaningful problem, problems we want to solve → we will never have no problems but we can choose which problems we want to contend with
  • Happiness doesn’t come from acing the past but seizing the now → its never too late to be happyIt’s near too late to fix it with a degree in engineering and parents who don’t mess with me
  • I have lots of assets and saving and a degree in engineering and parents and a sister all with money saved

Workpost 77: High Leverage

Byjack

These days I’m focused on increasing my leverage.

My intuition tells me that three things will unlock the money making potential that my abilities have.

  1. Focus. I need to be ok with saying no to more things, focusing on one thing at a time. Lack of focus is creating overwhelm, which in turn costs me my productivity.
  2. Fear of rejection. My fear of rejection holds me back from doing things that would instantly make me more money.
  3. Youtube and content creation. This is a communication/art skill that has tremendously high leverage if I can figure it out.

Currently, I don’t have much time every day because I go for a run everyday and I am working on my vision and taking care of my health. That means I have perhaps 3 or 4 hours of good working time.

I originally was thinking about giving up or changing this practice I have so I’m less tired and can work more, but I’m actually gonna practice something different, which is saying no to more things.