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Protected: Workpost 3.6: Private Workpost Continued Conversation History

Byjack

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Workpost 9: Depression

Byjack

I’ve been feeling that I need to take a bit of a departure from what I normally write in these workposts because I need to write more about my emotions, and let tools like my todolist take over the structured work elements of my day.

Caged

I feel caged in the prison

Of my own ambition

Unable to do anything

But work

Mindless work

Though I know I love work

It gives me purpose

I can’t shake the feeling that

I’m not happy

Some free part of me is no longer free

I’m starting to feel like a major issue with how I’m approaching life right now is balancing between structure and freedom. I created so much structure to assist me in achieving all my goals, but now I have too much structure. I feel the need to relax and indulge myself a bit and I don’t know how to hold onto both. I suspect there are too many challenges that I am splitting my attention between and the fewer the better. I will seek to finish as much work today as possible so as to not split my attention as much.

I think something else I’ve been thinking about is cleaning my apartment and making it something other than just work. Perhaps that would create the spaciousness and happiness I need. Maybe I need to go outside more, not to do anything in particular, just to walk and think about things. In fact, I wonder if I would worry about having a huge number of things to do if I was able to just walk and think about them.

On second thought, I will try one more day with my multitude of goals, I will not try to finish one to free up my attention. Instead, I will try to find a way to work on all of these goals walking, or at the gym hanging, or crawling around my apartment. Maybe I can make art too! Use art to work through any challenge I have. I will also focus on cleaning up my apartment as much as possible.

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Workpost 18: Addicted

Byjack

I’ve been playing pokemon go so much recently. I’ve made a lot of progress in the game, but I really worry that I’m getting addicted because of how stressed out I am right now.

I stressed out about my relationship and about my career path moving forward. I want to make sure that work does not take over my life and that it stays aligned to what I want to do moving forward.

Every time I feel stressed, I reach for the pokemon go. Holy shit, I am addicted.

I feel very tired, but no longer sick. That is a good thing at least.

I’m going to walk around the airport. And this time, instead of catching pokemon, I am going to meditate and think.

On the plane I meditated on some of my issues and I came to a big realization. The first step to feeling or processing any pain is to notice and name the pain that exists. I spend so much time avoiding thinking about painful emotions or experiences, avoiding thinking about how things hurt me it makes it hard to face the pain at all since I’m not taking the first step,

I want to focus on doing that more now as the first step to processing more emotions.

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Workpost 25: Tired and Weak

Byjack

Tired

I feel so tired

And weak

I just want to sleep

But the worries gnaw at me until I am awake

I look for comfort

Anywhere I can find it

I’m just feeling exhausted and I wonder what it takes to get well rested again. Maybe I can try to take a nap. Right now my physical health is the most important things to me. My eyes ache. My back aches. My sinuses ache.

The main issues that I’m working through is trying to understand what I am selling for coaching and also what I am selling for AI. For coaching I figured out the high price which is 25,000 for helping someone make their dream (creative) project a reality, whether it is a book, video, painting, etc.

I’ve been told multiple times to look for things that might be more affordable, but I actually thought about it a lot and I don’t think I can think of anything like that.

I just want to work on coaching a few clients who want to do something really special, beautiful, and profound.

Turning my attention to AI, I want to do something similar. Make the impossible possible. Provide 10x value, charge high prices.

Workpost 75: Recentering

Byjack

It’s been a few days after my deadline of September 12th.

I haven’t created business cards for my art coaching business. I haven’t learned the principles of javascript or front-end development or created a game.

The other day a friend was asking me about how to start a side gig and I had so much to tell him, yet these days I’m feeling a bit down and undermotivated.

A few realizations are perking me up a little.

Realization 1: My coaching program is not overvalued.

I want to charge $25,000 per year for my coaching program to help someone create a masterpiece. Before even pitching it to anyone, I felt like this was too big of an ask, I should lower my rates etc.

But as I thought about it deeper a few things occurred to me:

  • I will be spending a lot of time with a client. I plan on spending 2 hr every other week with clients on formal coaching sessions, but that’s not it. My entire professional attention and all my skills are aimed at helping my clients succeed. So outside of formal coaching sessions (in person if I can manage it). I will be taking calls emails, and setting up times to do virtual sessions. My goal is not to be a doctor you see for checkups or an art class you regularly go to. My goal is to understand your art inside and out, and be a true partner, mentor, strategist, and guide in your process. I think $25,000 for a year is an absolute crazy steal for that.
  • I’m not focused on getting clients that are poorer or don’t really have the funds. That would be both unethical and a bad fit. I already offer another class that can satisfy that demographic of people where it is more like a regular class, albeit a somewhat vetted and serious class (and not serious at the same time). I’m focused on the people who have the money and the passion to back it up, and we can spend some time to do something special. For someone retired with several millions of dollars, this will be nothing to them as long as they want it enough.

Realization 2: The process is complicated, but I have my blog

The whole point of this blog is be a place where I can incrementally work on works of progress and get better at things over time, instead of getting the final version all at once. If I don’t use this blog, I can also use my google drive, google docs, and slides to draft out things step by step and track overall progress in the blog.

Workpost 76: Feeling scattered

Byjack

I have so many things I sorta want to work on but I feel scattered. Part of the problem is that these new glasses are making me dizzy and I don’t really like them very much.

Here are some of my options:

  • Figure out how to talk to retirement homes about art coaching
  • Create art coaching website
  • Write about social anxiety and process
  • Process feelings of being a failure
  • Improve vision
  • Get better at video editing
  • Work on my art
  • Work on my music
  • Improve my bloating
  • Work on my sleep
  • Work on my digestion
  • Work on skool games

I feel lost and I just gravitate towards anything that has some level of an answer for me.

I feel that maybe there one answer to a lot of things. I strongly believe my bloating is due to stress. And while there are many ways to work on stress, I feel breathing might be one of the most powerful ways to manage stress.

If I focus on breathing, I can also focus on singing as it involves breathwork. I also believe it will make a big difference in my digestion and maybe even social anxiety.

So what if I focus on breathing for stress, bloating, anxiety, and singing. What if I make a video about it, hitting another area as well. What video format do I want to follow?

I think I’ll keep it simple, and follow Beau Miles, one of my favorites.

Matches: Drudgery

Byjack

Match 1

I feel pretty overwhelmed and unhappy to work because there are a lot of tedious work to do that I don’t feel is very fun. In this first match, I just want to get everything done so I can move on.

Criteria for success:

  1. Speed (percentile)
  2. Efficiency (percentile)
  3. Intellect (percentile)
  4. Energy (1-5)

Warmup: Cleaning + walk + meditation/breathwork

Gameplan

UNIT ONE: Set up api calls

UNIT TWO: modify prompts

UNIT THREE: testing

Postmatch analysis:

I definitely did not follow the plan, yet everything somehow got done anyway.

  1. Speed – 65% I was pretty fast, knowing what I need to do and was focused. Nothing too special though.
  2. Efficiency – 60% I was ok efficiency, could have coded my way to better efficiency though
  3. Intellect – 60% I definitely used my intellect to speed things up but it could have been accomplished by many people.
  4. Energy – 3 I feel ok, which is a win.