Workpost 56: Stagnating

Byjack

I feel like I’m stagnating in all areas of life.

I feel frustration as aching in my chest cavity and stomach.

I am helpless wound coming up. I am overwhelmed. I feel hopeless. I feel undermotivated. I am lost.

I am tired.

I discovered some things yesterday. I realized that I was obsessed about getting the brand and vision correct, but my goals for my consulting project are actually much more simple:

  1. Get experience in creating funnels/pipelines that are simple, effective, easy to maintain
  2. Make my client’s company cooler and inspire the people within to do more

The brand and vision just serve as a tactical basis for getting the funnel right because having no vision leads to pretty shitty, unclear websites and ads and makes decision making much harder than it needs to be.

Another thing I recognize is that mission, vision, and values are all things that need to evolve and change as what I want becomes clearer and clearer.

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Workpost 53: Overwhelmed

Byjack

I feel overwhelmed and exhausted today. I want to finish a lot of things today but I feel overwhelmed thinking about it. Maybe it’s time to process more fears.

I have to finish my work today.

I feel it in the pit of my stomach, my chest this numbing roaring anxiety but also exhaustion and numbness in my head.

I feel like a failure. I’m panicking about not being able to get work done.

One thing that came up for me is that working really hard can help me sleep. All I need to do is fail at creating a package. All I need to complete the deliverable, it doesn’t matter if I do it in a shitty way.

Tony Robbins said to fall in love with your customer.

I want to see my customer succeed. I want to see them happy and thriving. I can make that happen.

I’m afraid to sleep. I’m afraid the day will pass me by.

Not being able to sleep means there is extra energy I have to use. I can use that energy to help my customer and myself. You don’t need to sleep until you feel that release.

I’m afraid I will play Valorant or do something else to cope. I’m afraid the day will pass me by. I’m afraid my addictions will drain me of energy.

Wanting to play Valorant is a sign for massage and addressing some of the physical issues I am experiencing.

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Workspace 21: Be the Underdog

Byjack

I’ve been thinking more about rejection and working through some of my thoughts with it.

I want people to validate me to feel confident being myself. But validation and confidence are completely different.

Confidence is all about being ok with not getting other’s approval and validation, being ok with not being the strongest, the smartest, the most attractive. I want to find a way to let go of seeking approval from everyone. That is seriously holding me back.

The first thing I realized is that I need to be clear about what I value outside of approval.

I love solving difficult problems. I love learning, growing, and improving myself. I love creating. I love meeting new people and connecting with those people on a deep level. I love consuming art and music, writing and dance.

Being rejected doesn’t stop me from pursuing those things. In fact, people who reject me might realize my path is one they admire and want to follow.

The second thing I realized is that I can use rejection as motivation. It’s just a challenge to my ego. It makes me stronger.

I don’t want anything handed to me. The hero has the slay the dragon. I want to be the underdog, and I strive for greatness.

AI Consulting + Art Coaching Days 52/63

Byjack

Time is really running out in the first part of this challenge.

Perhaps it is time to actually create a challenge. I want to create separate challenges for art coaching and AI consulting (now AI gaming).

However, I think it’s ok to do both at first because the setup for each is pretty light work and can be done at the same time. In that case, I can include today.

Setup Challenge (4 days, Sep. 2nd – 6th)

UNIT ONE: Workspace cleanup (day 1)

  1. Ideal workspace brainstorm
  2. Action items
  3. Execution

UNIT TWO: Processing pain + work (day 2-3)

  1. Workday for art coaching
  2. Workday for AI gaming
  3. No work needed, only emotional processsing

UNIT THREE: Planning (day 4)

  1. Design a challenge for art coaching (3 days)
  2. Design a challenge for AI gaming (3 days)

Matches 4: To do list

Byjack

Today the matches were a bit different. I focused on checking off major things I wanted to work on in my to do list for my own life.

Match 1

Reflections:

  1. My warmup was entirely physical. Nothing was mental. Hard to understand what is the most effective warmup, but I feel like I’m going in the right direction.

Result Calculation:

  1. How much closer does this work get to me to where I want to be? This work gets me significantly closer to where I need to be, not only just for my meeting with a mentor tomorrow, but also because it helps me get back into the coaching business.
  2. How did I perform mentally (efficiency, depth, speed) from 1-10? I’d say my performance was maybe a 6. High efficiency, middling depth and speed.
  3. What percentile do I place this work in terms of innovation? 5%. Not very innovative, business as usual.

Workpost 58: Feeling out of time

Byjack

Recently I’ve been feeling immense pressure with the sensation that I’m somehow running out of time.

I feel a lot of frustration and anger in my chest.

I feel like I have no time anymore to work on the projects, and making progress in my own WordPress. I feel burning rage and frustration in my chest and stomach.

It might be the I am out of control wound.

I’m really angry at myself for procrastinating and not being able to get anything done.

Today I did come up with a really cool idea for an AI benchmark for:

  1. Creative writing
  2. Problem solving
  3. Research
  4. Contracts

I also feel overwhelmed. I feel like there is so much work to do, I don’t know where to start. I am overwhelmed. I am not able to deal with it.

I have a lot of projects I’m working on and it is scary to feel that I don’t know how to handle that.

I feel pressure because there are all difficult challenges that are important to me.

I failed big at succeeding in them…I’m so proud of myself!

This is a good thing. To fail big is to learn big.

The lessons are slowly being revealed.

The first question is…what did I need when I was in the overwhelmed state?

Well, I needed to feel the feelings, to be ok with just processing first.

After feeling the feelings to the fullest, what I need next is to find the courage in myself to face the challenge. To remember that I’m capable of anything.

And after feeling embracing the challenge, thinking tactically how I want to face it, and specifically, what small steps I want to take.

I want to take everything that I know as a small task and add it to my todolist. We will start there.

Workpost 69: Getting More Work Done

Byjack

One of the most recent realizations is that Valorant is meeting my need for significance maybe in a narcissistic way.

One of the ways that I can fulfill my needs and move on to getting more work done is by reassuring myself that even if I’m not getting better, even if I don’t win I am worthy, I am ok.

Today I really want to focus on getting all the contract work done but also visiting non-profits and getting more information about them.

If I can, I also want to be in good shape for jiujitsu and will probably need a bit of napping to get there.

Something else I was thinking about watching some podcasts about fighters today, when I go to jiujitsu, I go to learn and be really good at grappling and self-defense, but that’s not really my focus right now.

I’m really focused on my businesses, and in order to stay focused, I want to focus everything in my life on that.

This means jiujitsu is less about being good at grappling or fighting, but much more about being healthy, relieving stress, and getting a break from the computer.

I’m feeling kinda shitty right now trying to get past the lack of sleep I got today.

What I’m going to start out with is going to a nice place to work and get the basics done, then try to go to the gym and take a nap when I can relax my body enough.

After that, I’ll consider creating a focus for the day on what I want to complete.

Today I would like to work on my personal website.

I want it to reflect all the things that it represents for me:

  1. My workspace – messy creative space for me to work through things, sort of like akimbo
  2. A place that mirrors my coaching
    • Welcome to my house
    • Be patient
    • Take risks
    • Be ok with silence
  3. A workspace – sort of like profit in peace
  4. My way to be myself in a public way
    • If people stay, it helps me, if people leave, it helps me