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Why I Loathe Feminists
Byjack
Today I was arguing with a friend about the popular streamer Pokimane, and I was getting really really angry. I wanted to know why.
I realized recently that the reason why I hate her is because she represents everything I detest and loathe about women, feminism, and society.
While I’ve always been sympathetic to women and women’s struggles growing up – I was always close to my sister (who is a year and a half older and very close) and has always felt closer to women as a whole growing up (I did a lot of art and often had mostly friends that were girls), when I grew older things changed. I still can appreciate the struggles that women face in terms of objectification by society and trying to find a place within male-dominated positions in society (such as the C-suite, IT, and sales) but my view on feminism has shifted from strong positive feelings to mixed feelings and sometimes outright hatred.
The way I see it, feminism is the reason for the following experiences I’ve had in my life:
- Seeing all myself and other male colleagues who were above average intelligence struggle to find employment after college while all the women I knew had offers through the wazoo (even when they were average). What is even more interesting about this is that I work in a STEM field (I suspect recruiters try to hire an even number of men and women, but since women are so rare, they are in higher demand).
- Learning that the “wage” gap between men and women was about 1 cent to the dollar when correcting for the same years of experience (women naturally have less when they have kids) even though they most common statistic cited is 18 cents to the dollar.
- Getting constantly ignored and rejected in the dating scene without a hint of empathy from women (who seemed to have no idea the privilege that they had in this respect).
- Literally felt afraid to ask women out because of experiences that made me feel like a woman might accuse me of harassment (nothing happened, but it’s a constant fear most men share after Me Too went from exposing some serial harassers to just talking about guys women think are “creepy”).
- Seeing many women in my career perform average or below average claim that their work is not appreciated that they suspect discrimination is the reason that they are not promoted or raised.
It’s ok for women to reject men. It’s ok for women to want equality and to question why they were not promoted. It’s ok for women to point out times when they feel harassed and uncomfortable. Also, it is a valid concern that women have to choose between being a mother and being successful in their careers.
However, I hate the fact that feminists simply don’t understand or don’t care how hard it is for men. They support toxic women and toxic behavior as if women are always right. They often condone dismissing and invalidating problems that men face today. Men never talk about this because we feel like complaining is weakness and we should just “man up”.
Here are the types of things I hear women say:
“Oh, so you were afraid that it would be seen as harassment? Just don’t harass you’ll be fine.” (Are you fucking kidding me? I know many great women but are you literally suggesting every single woman has perfect morals? Why even have innocent until proven guilty? What if she misread something?)
“Are you SURE she is actually mediocre? Maybe it’s just your bias?” (Yes I fucking know, they aren’t able to get the same work done at the same quality).
“Suck it up, everyone gets rejected.” (Have you ever considered that it is waaay MORE rejections than you can imagine? How about a bit of empathy?)
“It’s men’s turn to get discriminated against.” (So we are taking turns now? Should we resume discrimination against women again in a few years for payback?)
“He’s disgusting and creepy.” (Ok some men are…but sometimes this is just used as a way for women to justify hurting the feelings of someone they cannot be bothered to empathize with).
Men surely have many advantages and privileges in society, but so do women, just in different areas. As Jordan Peterson says (yes I know he’s a bit extreme but he’s the only one speaking the truth sometimes), men are much more likely to be lonely, depressed (commit suicide), unemployed, and go to prison. Women have lower expectations to perform than men (although this can backfire into mansplaining as people assume women know less) and have a much bigger selection when it comes to dating. Also, if they are attractive, they can get away with almost anything. You name it – being boring, rude, incompetent, even immoral.
I highly suspect that MOST women, if they lived a day in a man’s life would find it is significantly harder (despite gaining a number of privileges). They would realize how so many “nice” people are so much meaner when you are a man, that no slack is given to you or your feelings (crying will only get you laughed at), and that women can be extremely cruel and manipulative to men.
This brings me back to Pokimane. I don’t know her well enough to say for sure, but she strikes me as someone who gets away with fake and toxic behavior because she is famous, attractive, and a woman. And I fucking hate it.
Recently she announced getting to Immortal in Valorant on her own and lashed out against people who said she was boosted (got a rank via help from other people).
Looking at the gameplay (below) she herself uploaded to Youtube, it’s very clear she is boosted. BY A LOT.
What I see:
- Gold level utility usage (ok placement, uses util a lot)
- Silver/Gold Aim (good crosshair placement)
- Iron/Bronze Movement (absolutely no jiggling, strafe shooting, or creative movement)
- Bronze Gamesense (horrible decision making, passable map awareness)
In other words, Pokimane is AT MOST platinum (which 2 whole ranks away from Immortal). Her skill level is honestly closer to Silver or Gold in my opinion.
However, people are still defending her, calling her critic “haters”. Some people even use misogyny to explain why people think she is boosted. This boggles my mind and makes me furious.
Why? Why not just hold her accountable? Why isn’t SHE just honest and try actually climb to Immortal?
When will people stop using feminism as an excuse to praise women who are dishonest and incompetent? When will they realize the tremendous privilege someone like Pokimane holds as a young attractive woman?
Workpost 32: The Power of Belief
Byjack
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPZj6Jp2ehE&ab_channel=Recap-kun
I saw this anime recapped last night and I felt it was really inspiring. It was about a guy who needs to create an unprofitable company in order to win money in a game. But in not fearing failure and instead trying to embrace it, he found it hard to not succeed. Obviously this is fiction, and people would find it easy to fail in real life, but there is a part of this that rings true for me.
When you aren’t afraid of failure, it is hard to stave off success. Everything is about having a strong mindset.
Today I want to just focus on the main ideas I said in my previous post:
- You’re in my house
- Take time, be patient
- Be ok with silence
- Take risks
- Anything is possible
Valorant 27: Confidence
Byjack
I’ve been thinking more about confidence in Valorant and it actually made me think a lot more about what makes confidence. I originally was interested in how to multitask because I thought that was what would make me stronger in Valorant, but I wasn’t able to find any useful information on it.
I ended up searching multitasking in sports, and I was specifically in interested in the basketball videos when they talked about confidence.
The first video was this:
Ideas:
- Confidence is not about positive or negative thinking
- There are two ways of thinking
- Logically and analytically
- Intuitively
- Confidence is about trusting the second type of thinking
- Timing cannot be thought
Ideas:
- People often rely on outside sources of confidence
- Success
- External Validation
- Comparing ourselves with others
- These outside sources of validation are not reliable
- Confidence comes from being able to trust yourself
- Trustworthiness is from people who follow a code
- Ex: Warrior code “no man left behind” (inspires confidence in your unit because other people won’t leave you behind)
- Ex: Courage over success, valuing courage over failure or success validation
- Code must be specific and have specific actions you take to fulfill it
- Mantras can be helpful
So as they say in the video to do, I am writing down the things I use for confidence in Valorant:
- Success – high KDA, increasing elo
- Comparison – high KDA compared to others, higher rank
- Knowledge and practice – learning techniques and practicing them
- Performance – being able to predict moves, hitting my shots
What I admire in other players:
- Clarity in thinking
- Creative plays
- Fast reactions
- Precise mechanics
- Boldness/confidence
I’ll take each of these a step further to draft out my code. I’m going to see if I can break down what I make each of these things mean:
- I make success mean that I’m smart that I’m special
- I make comparison mean that I’m special, that I’m a valuable or worthy person
- I make knowledge and practice mean I’m smart and that I deserve to be heard
- I make performance mean that I’m special and I’m capable
For the second list:
- I make clarity mean that someone is smart
- I make creativity mean intelligence, specialness, worthy of love and admiration
- I make fast reactions means someone is attractive
- Precise mechanics I make it mean someone is capable, valuable and worth a lot
- Boldness and confidence I make it mean someone is valuable and special
To think about it further my code might need to address:
- Inner value – what is valuable about myself
- Inner specialness – what do I think is special about myself
- Inner love and admiration – what do I love and admire about myself
- Inner capability – what makes myself capable
I don’t really know what my code can be but one aspect that keeps coming up for all of these things are valuing feelings and focusing on radical permission.
Those are two things that I feel make me unique, I value myself and are a way to find freedom and give myself love and admiration.
I suppose I can also focus on the challenge in life, the idea of courage or challenge over success is something else that I admire about value about myself. Deep thinking, letting the answer of hard questions come to me as well.
The ways that I could act out this code in Valorant:
- Check in to how I’m feeling
- Vocalize my feelings
- Check in to how others are feeling
- Let the energy carry action
- Let the plan form in my mind
- Create a challenge at the start of every round
What I Want My Job To Be
Byjack
I think a lot of people have it wrong when they look to people for guidance. We look for the rich, the successful, the types of people who made a million dollars and are now flaunting it with expensive cars, watches, and parties, and beautiful women almost saying, “you want this? I can show you how to get it”.
But the truth is that no one wants that, even though they think they might want it. People want to know the truth of things. They want to know how to live, how to love, and how to lose. They want to learn how to see beauty, find joy and feel sadness. They want to find meaning, feel like they are special, and that they are exploring the world like we did when we were kids. There is nothing wrong with money, but it was once just a tool, and now it has become the goal.
The people who got the closest to the answer are not businessmen, but artists. Is it not the music of musicians, the books of authors, the paintings or painters, and the films of filmmakers that are often the most profound teachers of life?
This is why I’ve always sought creation, youtube, and art out much more than success. This is why creators like Mr. Beast (though more well meaning than some creators disgust me with their materialism).
I’ve decided that THIS is the job I want. I want the hard job of creating. Creating art, music, writing, and videos. Creating something that will help people reach the deep ideas in life, but also simplify things to the sensations we feel and guide us back to being kids in the present moment.
I’ve always felt like some things in life feel like a damn waste of time. I always wonder what work is worth doing for me, something that I feel I was meant to do, and what feels not worth it for me.
I always knew it was understanding life, working through my traumas and understanding how to make life magic. But I never was so clear on what the work was.
I want to serve as more than just an artist but a speaker, a coach, someone who can explain the art in logical and easily understandable ways. I don’t want to be studying to be a coach. I want to be studying life, living it, exploring it, touching it. I want my coaching to be a collaboration in the enterprise of spreading this practice of understanding deeper truths in life and finding true purpose. The kind of purpose you feel when you hear a song you love, the kind of clarity when you read something profound.
And when I get money. Lots of money. I will just continue to create. Organizations, experiences, works of art.
Elements of my enterprise:
- Creating art coloring life (comics, paintings, writings, etc.)
- Live streaming/videos on creation/techniques/challenges/stories
- Discussing works of art that color life
- Creating guides on how to live/succeed/understand
- Speaking on practical topics/problems/challenges
- Coaching on developing color in life
- Creating events that color life
*When I say “color life”, I mean the feeling of deep conversations, connecting with childlike wonder, being in the moment and feeling the feelings, being spontaneous, taking risks, and finding silence and simplicity. But why explain it? Listen to it down below.
Art | Cinematography | Workpost | Writing
Workpost 28: Taxes & Art Therapy
Byjack
Today I feel very tired but at least better rested than normal. I really want to finish my taxes today and I also want to experiment with art therapy and exercise to help get through the stress and effort of finishing.
My initial thoughts about art therapy is that it is all about reconnecting with your body…to do flow theory or follow what you feel. Art is about touching the forms with lines and paint, music is about creating sound, dance is about moving your body.
I’m doing more research. Here is a video that talks about using art to find a safe place:
Here is another video:
Current art therapy ideas:
- Express what you feel kinesthetically
- Scribbling
- Banging on the piano
- Flow theory dance
- Free writing
- Create a safe space, express what feels safe
- Drawing
- Writing
- Music
- Repetitive motions
- Shapes
- Chords
- Motions
But how does this translate to greater art creation? How does this create a world?
Thinking about this more, art creation is about the following:
- What you want to share with others
- What you find beautiful
- What you feel wonder about
- What stories you want to tell
- What is quirky, unique, and creative
- What worlds you want to live in and provide others
I have a couple ideas of how to transition from therapeutic art to art art:
- My therapy exercise (take a problem and solve it in the story by making the main character face a problem 10x more painful)
- Express what emotions you are feeling strongly
- Capture a memory
- Start with a characters
- Start with world
- Do a fanfic
- Daydream
Sad At The Party
Byjack
Sad At The Party
I was sad at the party today
So sad, two people asked me what was wrong
It’s only because of you
That I was even willing to tell them
To let them in
I stayed until midnight
Then went to another party
Because I didn’t want to face myself alone
Face my pain, my heartbreak
How is it
That two people who love each other so much
Can’t give each other what they need
I know I did the right thing
That I set us both free from our prisons
Me from my torture, her from her cage
I gave us a way out
But I hope that way
Doesn’t lead away from each other
Forever
My friends told me that this will help me learn
That I will find someone new
But I don’t want anyone else
Even though we were not working
I only want her
Sometimes, when I feel clear
That we really did have something special
That it was real love, it just didn’t work
I feel a little peace
Before the pain comes washing back
Why I Loathe Feminists
Byjack
Today I was arguing with a friend about the popular streamer Pokimane, and I was getting really really angry. I wanted to know why.
I realized recently that the reason why I hate her is because she represents everything I detest and loathe about women, feminism, and society.
While I’ve always been sympathetic to women and women’s struggles growing up – I was always close to my sister (who is a year and a half older and very close) and has always felt closer to women as a whole growing up (I did a lot of art and often had mostly friends that were girls), when I grew older things changed. I still can appreciate the struggles that women face in terms of objectification by society and trying to find a place within male-dominated positions in society (such as the C-suite, IT, and sales) but my view on feminism has shifted from strong positive feelings to mixed feelings and sometimes outright hatred.
The way I see it, feminism is the reason for the following experiences I’ve had in my life:
- Seeing all myself and other male colleagues who were above average intelligence struggle to find employment after college while all the women I knew had offers through the wazoo (even when they were average). What is even more interesting about this is that I work in a STEM field (I suspect recruiters try to hire an even number of men and women, but since women are so rare, they are in higher demand).
- Learning that the “wage” gap between men and women was about 1 cent to the dollar when correcting for the same years of experience (women naturally have less when they have kids) even though they most common statistic cited is 18 cents to the dollar.
- Getting constantly ignored and rejected in the dating scene without a hint of empathy from women (who seemed to have no idea the privilege that they had in this respect).
- Literally felt afraid to ask women out because of experiences that made me feel like a woman might accuse me of harassment (nothing happened, but it’s a constant fear most men share after Me Too went from exposing some serial harassers to just talking about guys women think are “creepy”).
- Seeing many women in my career perform average or below average claim that their work is not appreciated that they suspect discrimination is the reason that they are not promoted or raised.
It’s ok for women to reject men. It’s ok for women to want equality and to question why they were not promoted. It’s ok for women to point out times when they feel harassed and uncomfortable. Also, it is a valid concern that women have to choose between being a mother and being successful in their careers.
However, I hate the fact that feminists simply don’t understand or don’t care how hard it is for men. They support toxic women and toxic behavior as if women are always right. They often condone dismissing and invalidating problems that men face today. Men never talk about this because we feel like complaining is weakness and we should just “man up”.
Here are the types of things I hear women say:
“Oh, so you were afraid that it would be seen as harassment? Just don’t harass you’ll be fine.” (Are you fucking kidding me? I know many great women but are you literally suggesting every single woman has perfect morals? Why even have innocent until proven guilty? What if she misread something?)
“Are you SURE she is actually mediocre? Maybe it’s just your bias?” (Yes I fucking know, they aren’t able to get the same work done at the same quality).
“Suck it up, everyone gets rejected.” (Have you ever considered that it is waaay MORE rejections than you can imagine? How about a bit of empathy?)
“It’s men’s turn to get discriminated against.” (So we are taking turns now? Should we resume discrimination against women again in a few years for payback?)
“He’s disgusting and creepy.” (Ok some men are…but sometimes this is just used as a way for women to justify hurting the feelings of someone they cannot be bothered to empathize with).
Men surely have many advantages and privileges in society, but so do women, just in different areas. As Jordan Peterson says (yes I know he’s a bit extreme but he’s the only one speaking the truth sometimes), men are much more likely to be lonely, depressed (commit suicide), unemployed, and go to prison. Women have lower expectations to perform than men (although this can backfire into mansplaining as people assume women know less) and have a much bigger selection when it comes to dating. Also, if they are attractive, they can get away with almost anything. You name it – being boring, rude, incompetent, even immoral.
I highly suspect that MOST women, if they lived a day in a man’s life would find it is significantly harder (despite gaining a number of privileges). They would realize how so many “nice” people are so much meaner when you are a man, that no slack is given to you or your feelings (crying will only get you laughed at), and that women can be extremely cruel and manipulative to men.
This brings me back to Pokimane. I don’t know her well enough to say for sure, but she strikes me as someone who gets away with fake and toxic behavior because she is famous, attractive, and a woman. And I fucking hate it.
Recently she announced getting to Immortal in Valorant on her own and lashed out against people who said she was boosted (got a rank via help from other people).
Looking at the gameplay (below) she herself uploaded to Youtube, it’s very clear she is boosted. BY A LOT.
What I see:
- Gold level utility usage (ok placement, uses util a lot)
- Silver/Gold Aim (good crosshair placement)
- Iron/Bronze Movement (absolutely no jiggling, strafe shooting, or creative movement)
- Bronze Gamesense (horrible decision making, passable map awareness)
In other words, Pokimane is AT MOST platinum (which 2 whole ranks away from Immortal). Her skill level is honestly closer to Silver or Gold in my opinion.
However, people are still defending her, calling her critic “haters”. Some people even use misogyny to explain why people think she is boosted. This boggles my mind and makes me furious.
Why? Why not just hold her accountable? Why isn’t SHE just honest and try actually climb to Immortal?
When will people stop using feminism as an excuse to praise women who are dishonest and incompetent? When will they realize the tremendous privilege someone like Pokimane holds as a young attractive woman?
Workpost 32: The Power of Belief
Byjack
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPZj6Jp2ehE&ab_channel=Recap-kun
I saw this anime recapped last night and I felt it was really inspiring. It was about a guy who needs to create an unprofitable company in order to win money in a game. But in not fearing failure and instead trying to embrace it, he found it hard to not succeed. Obviously this is fiction, and people would find it easy to fail in real life, but there is a part of this that rings true for me.
When you aren’t afraid of failure, it is hard to stave off success. Everything is about having a strong mindset.
Today I want to just focus on the main ideas I said in my previous post:
- You’re in my house
- Take time, be patient
- Be ok with silence
- Take risks
- Anything is possible
Valorant 27: Confidence
Byjack
I’ve been thinking more about confidence in Valorant and it actually made me think a lot more about what makes confidence. I originally was interested in how to multitask because I thought that was what would make me stronger in Valorant, but I wasn’t able to find any useful information on it.
I ended up searching multitasking in sports, and I was specifically in interested in the basketball videos when they talked about confidence.
The first video was this:
Ideas:
- Confidence is not about positive or negative thinking
- There are two ways of thinking
- Logically and analytically
- Intuitively
- Confidence is about trusting the second type of thinking
- Timing cannot be thought
Ideas:
- People often rely on outside sources of confidence
- Success
- External Validation
- Comparing ourselves with others
- These outside sources of validation are not reliable
- Confidence comes from being able to trust yourself
- Trustworthiness is from people who follow a code
- Ex: Warrior code “no man left behind” (inspires confidence in your unit because other people won’t leave you behind)
- Ex: Courage over success, valuing courage over failure or success validation
- Code must be specific and have specific actions you take to fulfill it
- Mantras can be helpful
So as they say in the video to do, I am writing down the things I use for confidence in Valorant:
- Success – high KDA, increasing elo
- Comparison – high KDA compared to others, higher rank
- Knowledge and practice – learning techniques and practicing them
- Performance – being able to predict moves, hitting my shots
What I admire in other players:
- Clarity in thinking
- Creative plays
- Fast reactions
- Precise mechanics
- Boldness/confidence
I’ll take each of these a step further to draft out my code. I’m going to see if I can break down what I make each of these things mean:
- I make success mean that I’m smart that I’m special
- I make comparison mean that I’m special, that I’m a valuable or worthy person
- I make knowledge and practice mean I’m smart and that I deserve to be heard
- I make performance mean that I’m special and I’m capable
For the second list:
- I make clarity mean that someone is smart
- I make creativity mean intelligence, specialness, worthy of love and admiration
- I make fast reactions means someone is attractive
- Precise mechanics I make it mean someone is capable, valuable and worth a lot
- Boldness and confidence I make it mean someone is valuable and special
To think about it further my code might need to address:
- Inner value – what is valuable about myself
- Inner specialness – what do I think is special about myself
- Inner love and admiration – what do I love and admire about myself
- Inner capability – what makes myself capable
I don’t really know what my code can be but one aspect that keeps coming up for all of these things are valuing feelings and focusing on radical permission.
Those are two things that I feel make me unique, I value myself and are a way to find freedom and give myself love and admiration.
I suppose I can also focus on the challenge in life, the idea of courage or challenge over success is something else that I admire about value about myself. Deep thinking, letting the answer of hard questions come to me as well.
The ways that I could act out this code in Valorant:
- Check in to how I’m feeling
- Vocalize my feelings
- Check in to how others are feeling
- Let the energy carry action
- Let the plan form in my mind
- Create a challenge at the start of every round
What I Want My Job To Be
Byjack
I think a lot of people have it wrong when they look to people for guidance. We look for the rich, the successful, the types of people who made a million dollars and are now flaunting it with expensive cars, watches, and parties, and beautiful women almost saying, “you want this? I can show you how to get it”.
But the truth is that no one wants that, even though they think they might want it. People want to know the truth of things. They want to know how to live, how to love, and how to lose. They want to learn how to see beauty, find joy and feel sadness. They want to find meaning, feel like they are special, and that they are exploring the world like we did when we were kids. There is nothing wrong with money, but it was once just a tool, and now it has become the goal.
The people who got the closest to the answer are not businessmen, but artists. Is it not the music of musicians, the books of authors, the paintings or painters, and the films of filmmakers that are often the most profound teachers of life?
This is why I’ve always sought creation, youtube, and art out much more than success. This is why creators like Mr. Beast (though more well meaning than some creators disgust me with their materialism).
I’ve decided that THIS is the job I want. I want the hard job of creating. Creating art, music, writing, and videos. Creating something that will help people reach the deep ideas in life, but also simplify things to the sensations we feel and guide us back to being kids in the present moment.
I’ve always felt like some things in life feel like a damn waste of time. I always wonder what work is worth doing for me, something that I feel I was meant to do, and what feels not worth it for me.
I always knew it was understanding life, working through my traumas and understanding how to make life magic. But I never was so clear on what the work was.
I want to serve as more than just an artist but a speaker, a coach, someone who can explain the art in logical and easily understandable ways. I don’t want to be studying to be a coach. I want to be studying life, living it, exploring it, touching it. I want my coaching to be a collaboration in the enterprise of spreading this practice of understanding deeper truths in life and finding true purpose. The kind of purpose you feel when you hear a song you love, the kind of clarity when you read something profound.
And when I get money. Lots of money. I will just continue to create. Organizations, experiences, works of art.
Elements of my enterprise:
- Creating art coloring life (comics, paintings, writings, etc.)
- Live streaming/videos on creation/techniques/challenges/stories
- Discussing works of art that color life
- Creating guides on how to live/succeed/understand
- Speaking on practical topics/problems/challenges
- Coaching on developing color in life
- Creating events that color life
*When I say “color life”, I mean the feeling of deep conversations, connecting with childlike wonder, being in the moment and feeling the feelings, being spontaneous, taking risks, and finding silence and simplicity. But why explain it? Listen to it down below.
Art | Cinematography | Workpost | Writing
Workpost 28: Taxes & Art Therapy
Byjack
Today I feel very tired but at least better rested than normal. I really want to finish my taxes today and I also want to experiment with art therapy and exercise to help get through the stress and effort of finishing.
My initial thoughts about art therapy is that it is all about reconnecting with your body…to do flow theory or follow what you feel. Art is about touching the forms with lines and paint, music is about creating sound, dance is about moving your body.
I’m doing more research. Here is a video that talks about using art to find a safe place:
Here is another video:
Current art therapy ideas:
- Express what you feel kinesthetically
- Scribbling
- Banging on the piano
- Flow theory dance
- Free writing
- Create a safe space, express what feels safe
- Drawing
- Writing
- Music
- Repetitive motions
- Shapes
- Chords
- Motions
But how does this translate to greater art creation? How does this create a world?
Thinking about this more, art creation is about the following:
- What you want to share with others
- What you find beautiful
- What you feel wonder about
- What stories you want to tell
- What is quirky, unique, and creative
- What worlds you want to live in and provide others
I have a couple ideas of how to transition from therapeutic art to art art:
- My therapy exercise (take a problem and solve it in the story by making the main character face a problem 10x more painful)
- Express what emotions you are feeling strongly
- Capture a memory
- Start with a characters
- Start with world
- Do a fanfic
- Daydream
Sad At The Party
Byjack
Sad At The Party
I was sad at the party today
So sad, two people asked me what was wrong
It’s only because of you
That I was even willing to tell them
To let them in
I stayed until midnight
Then went to another party
Because I didn’t want to face myself alone
Face my pain, my heartbreak
How is it
That two people who love each other so much
Can’t give each other what they need
I know I did the right thing
That I set us both free from our prisons
Me from my torture, her from her cage
I gave us a way out
But I hope that way
Doesn’t lead away from each other
Forever
My friends told me that this will help me learn
That I will find someone new
But I don’t want anyone else
Even though we were not working
I only want her
Sometimes, when I feel clear
That we really did have something special
That it was real love, it just didn’t work
I feel a little peace
Before the pain comes washing back
Why I Loathe Feminists
Byjack
Today I was arguing with a friend about the popular streamer Pokimane, and I was getting really really angry. I wanted to know why.
I realized recently that the reason why I hate her is because she represents everything I detest and loathe about women, feminism, and society.
While I’ve always been sympathetic to women and women’s struggles growing up – I was always close to my sister (who is a year and a half older and very close) and has always felt closer to women as a whole growing up (I did a lot of art and often had mostly friends that were girls), when I grew older things changed. I still can appreciate the struggles that women face in terms of objectification by society and trying to find a place within male-dominated positions in society (such as the C-suite, IT, and sales) but my view on feminism has shifted from strong positive feelings to mixed feelings and sometimes outright hatred.
The way I see it, feminism is the reason for the following experiences I’ve had in my life:
- Seeing all myself and other male colleagues who were above average intelligence struggle to find employment after college while all the women I knew had offers through the wazoo (even when they were average). What is even more interesting about this is that I work in a STEM field (I suspect recruiters try to hire an even number of men and women, but since women are so rare, they are in higher demand).
- Learning that the “wage” gap between men and women was about 1 cent to the dollar when correcting for the same years of experience (women naturally have less when they have kids) even though they most common statistic cited is 18 cents to the dollar.
- Getting constantly ignored and rejected in the dating scene without a hint of empathy from women (who seemed to have no idea the privilege that they had in this respect).
- Literally felt afraid to ask women out because of experiences that made me feel like a woman might accuse me of harassment (nothing happened, but it’s a constant fear most men share after Me Too went from exposing some serial harassers to just talking about guys women think are “creepy”).
- Seeing many women in my career perform average or below average claim that their work is not appreciated that they suspect discrimination is the reason that they are not promoted or raised.
It’s ok for women to reject men. It’s ok for women to want equality and to question why they were not promoted. It’s ok for women to point out times when they feel harassed and uncomfortable. Also, it is a valid concern that women have to choose between being a mother and being successful in their careers.
However, I hate the fact that feminists simply don’t understand or don’t care how hard it is for men. They support toxic women and toxic behavior as if women are always right. They often condone dismissing and invalidating problems that men face today. Men never talk about this because we feel like complaining is weakness and we should just “man up”.
Here are the types of things I hear women say:
“Oh, so you were afraid that it would be seen as harassment? Just don’t harass you’ll be fine.” (Are you fucking kidding me? I know many great women but are you literally suggesting every single woman has perfect morals? Why even have innocent until proven guilty? What if she misread something?)
“Are you SURE she is actually mediocre? Maybe it’s just your bias?” (Yes I fucking know, they aren’t able to get the same work done at the same quality).
“Suck it up, everyone gets rejected.” (Have you ever considered that it is waaay MORE rejections than you can imagine? How about a bit of empathy?)
“It’s men’s turn to get discriminated against.” (So we are taking turns now? Should we resume discrimination against women again in a few years for payback?)
“He’s disgusting and creepy.” (Ok some men are…but sometimes this is just used as a way for women to justify hurting the feelings of someone they cannot be bothered to empathize with).
Men surely have many advantages and privileges in society, but so do women, just in different areas. As Jordan Peterson says (yes I know he’s a bit extreme but he’s the only one speaking the truth sometimes), men are much more likely to be lonely, depressed (commit suicide), unemployed, and go to prison. Women have lower expectations to perform than men (although this can backfire into mansplaining as people assume women know less) and have a much bigger selection when it comes to dating. Also, if they are attractive, they can get away with almost anything. You name it – being boring, rude, incompetent, even immoral.
I highly suspect that MOST women, if they lived a day in a man’s life would find it is significantly harder (despite gaining a number of privileges). They would realize how so many “nice” people are so much meaner when you are a man, that no slack is given to you or your feelings (crying will only get you laughed at), and that women can be extremely cruel and manipulative to men.
This brings me back to Pokimane. I don’t know her well enough to say for sure, but she strikes me as someone who gets away with fake and toxic behavior because she is famous, attractive, and a woman. And I fucking hate it.
Recently she announced getting to Immortal in Valorant on her own and lashed out against people who said she was boosted (got a rank via help from other people).
Looking at the gameplay (below) she herself uploaded to Youtube, it’s very clear she is boosted. BY A LOT.
What I see:
- Gold level utility usage (ok placement, uses util a lot)
- Silver/Gold Aim (good crosshair placement)
- Iron/Bronze Movement (absolutely no jiggling, strafe shooting, or creative movement)
- Bronze Gamesense (horrible decision making, passable map awareness)
In other words, Pokimane is AT MOST platinum (which 2 whole ranks away from Immortal). Her skill level is honestly closer to Silver or Gold in my opinion.
However, people are still defending her, calling her critic “haters”. Some people even use misogyny to explain why people think she is boosted. This boggles my mind and makes me furious.
Why? Why not just hold her accountable? Why isn’t SHE just honest and try actually climb to Immortal?
When will people stop using feminism as an excuse to praise women who are dishonest and incompetent? When will they realize the tremendous privilege someone like Pokimane holds as a young attractive woman?
Workpost 32: The Power of Belief
Byjack
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPZj6Jp2ehE&ab_channel=Recap-kun
I saw this anime recapped last night and I felt it was really inspiring. It was about a guy who needs to create an unprofitable company in order to win money in a game. But in not fearing failure and instead trying to embrace it, he found it hard to not succeed. Obviously this is fiction, and people would find it easy to fail in real life, but there is a part of this that rings true for me.
When you aren’t afraid of failure, it is hard to stave off success. Everything is about having a strong mindset.
Today I want to just focus on the main ideas I said in my previous post:
- You’re in my house
- Take time, be patient
- Be ok with silence
- Take risks
- Anything is possible
Valorant 27: Confidence
Byjack
I’ve been thinking more about confidence in Valorant and it actually made me think a lot more about what makes confidence. I originally was interested in how to multitask because I thought that was what would make me stronger in Valorant, but I wasn’t able to find any useful information on it.
I ended up searching multitasking in sports, and I was specifically in interested in the basketball videos when they talked about confidence.
The first video was this:
Ideas:
- Confidence is not about positive or negative thinking
- There are two ways of thinking
- Logically and analytically
- Intuitively
- Confidence is about trusting the second type of thinking
- Timing cannot be thought
Ideas:
- People often rely on outside sources of confidence
- Success
- External Validation
- Comparing ourselves with others
- These outside sources of validation are not reliable
- Confidence comes from being able to trust yourself
- Trustworthiness is from people who follow a code
- Ex: Warrior code “no man left behind” (inspires confidence in your unit because other people won’t leave you behind)
- Ex: Courage over success, valuing courage over failure or success validation
- Code must be specific and have specific actions you take to fulfill it
- Mantras can be helpful
So as they say in the video to do, I am writing down the things I use for confidence in Valorant:
- Success – high KDA, increasing elo
- Comparison – high KDA compared to others, higher rank
- Knowledge and practice – learning techniques and practicing them
- Performance – being able to predict moves, hitting my shots
What I admire in other players:
- Clarity in thinking
- Creative plays
- Fast reactions
- Precise mechanics
- Boldness/confidence
I’ll take each of these a step further to draft out my code. I’m going to see if I can break down what I make each of these things mean:
- I make success mean that I’m smart that I’m special
- I make comparison mean that I’m special, that I’m a valuable or worthy person
- I make knowledge and practice mean I’m smart and that I deserve to be heard
- I make performance mean that I’m special and I’m capable
For the second list:
- I make clarity mean that someone is smart
- I make creativity mean intelligence, specialness, worthy of love and admiration
- I make fast reactions means someone is attractive
- Precise mechanics I make it mean someone is capable, valuable and worth a lot
- Boldness and confidence I make it mean someone is valuable and special
To think about it further my code might need to address:
- Inner value – what is valuable about myself
- Inner specialness – what do I think is special about myself
- Inner love and admiration – what do I love and admire about myself
- Inner capability – what makes myself capable
I don’t really know what my code can be but one aspect that keeps coming up for all of these things are valuing feelings and focusing on radical permission.
Those are two things that I feel make me unique, I value myself and are a way to find freedom and give myself love and admiration.
I suppose I can also focus on the challenge in life, the idea of courage or challenge over success is something else that I admire about value about myself. Deep thinking, letting the answer of hard questions come to me as well.
The ways that I could act out this code in Valorant:
- Check in to how I’m feeling
- Vocalize my feelings
- Check in to how others are feeling
- Let the energy carry action
- Let the plan form in my mind
- Create a challenge at the start of every round
What I Want My Job To Be
Byjack
I think a lot of people have it wrong when they look to people for guidance. We look for the rich, the successful, the types of people who made a million dollars and are now flaunting it with expensive cars, watches, and parties, and beautiful women almost saying, “you want this? I can show you how to get it”.
But the truth is that no one wants that, even though they think they might want it. People want to know the truth of things. They want to know how to live, how to love, and how to lose. They want to learn how to see beauty, find joy and feel sadness. They want to find meaning, feel like they are special, and that they are exploring the world like we did when we were kids. There is nothing wrong with money, but it was once just a tool, and now it has become the goal.
The people who got the closest to the answer are not businessmen, but artists. Is it not the music of musicians, the books of authors, the paintings or painters, and the films of filmmakers that are often the most profound teachers of life?
This is why I’ve always sought creation, youtube, and art out much more than success. This is why creators like Mr. Beast (though more well meaning than some creators disgust me with their materialism).
I’ve decided that THIS is the job I want. I want the hard job of creating. Creating art, music, writing, and videos. Creating something that will help people reach the deep ideas in life, but also simplify things to the sensations we feel and guide us back to being kids in the present moment.
I’ve always felt like some things in life feel like a damn waste of time. I always wonder what work is worth doing for me, something that I feel I was meant to do, and what feels not worth it for me.
I always knew it was understanding life, working through my traumas and understanding how to make life magic. But I never was so clear on what the work was.
I want to serve as more than just an artist but a speaker, a coach, someone who can explain the art in logical and easily understandable ways. I don’t want to be studying to be a coach. I want to be studying life, living it, exploring it, touching it. I want my coaching to be a collaboration in the enterprise of spreading this practice of understanding deeper truths in life and finding true purpose. The kind of purpose you feel when you hear a song you love, the kind of clarity when you read something profound.
And when I get money. Lots of money. I will just continue to create. Organizations, experiences, works of art.
Elements of my enterprise:
- Creating art coloring life (comics, paintings, writings, etc.)
- Live streaming/videos on creation/techniques/challenges/stories
- Discussing works of art that color life
- Creating guides on how to live/succeed/understand
- Speaking on practical topics/problems/challenges
- Coaching on developing color in life
- Creating events that color life
*When I say “color life”, I mean the feeling of deep conversations, connecting with childlike wonder, being in the moment and feeling the feelings, being spontaneous, taking risks, and finding silence and simplicity. But why explain it? Listen to it down below.
Art | Cinematography | Workpost | Writing
Workpost 28: Taxes & Art Therapy
Byjack
Today I feel very tired but at least better rested than normal. I really want to finish my taxes today and I also want to experiment with art therapy and exercise to help get through the stress and effort of finishing.
My initial thoughts about art therapy is that it is all about reconnecting with your body…to do flow theory or follow what you feel. Art is about touching the forms with lines and paint, music is about creating sound, dance is about moving your body.
I’m doing more research. Here is a video that talks about using art to find a safe place:
Here is another video:
Current art therapy ideas:
- Express what you feel kinesthetically
- Scribbling
- Banging on the piano
- Flow theory dance
- Free writing
- Create a safe space, express what feels safe
- Drawing
- Writing
- Music
- Repetitive motions
- Shapes
- Chords
- Motions
But how does this translate to greater art creation? How does this create a world?
Thinking about this more, art creation is about the following:
- What you want to share with others
- What you find beautiful
- What you feel wonder about
- What stories you want to tell
- What is quirky, unique, and creative
- What worlds you want to live in and provide others
I have a couple ideas of how to transition from therapeutic art to art art:
- My therapy exercise (take a problem and solve it in the story by making the main character face a problem 10x more painful)
- Express what emotions you are feeling strongly
- Capture a memory
- Start with a characters
- Start with world
- Do a fanfic
- Daydream
Sad At The Party
Byjack
Sad At The Party
I was sad at the party today
So sad, two people asked me what was wrong
It’s only because of you
That I was even willing to tell them
To let them in
I stayed until midnight
Then went to another party
Because I didn’t want to face myself alone
Face my pain, my heartbreak
How is it
That two people who love each other so much
Can’t give each other what they need
I know I did the right thing
That I set us both free from our prisons
Me from my torture, her from her cage
I gave us a way out
But I hope that way
Doesn’t lead away from each other
Forever
My friends told me that this will help me learn
That I will find someone new
But I don’t want anyone else
Even though we were not working
I only want her
Sometimes, when I feel clear
That we really did have something special
That it was real love, it just didn’t work
I feel a little peace
Before the pain comes washing back