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From Mortal To God

Byjack

“Every man is a divinity in disguise, a god playing the fool.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

The last few weeks have been exhausting and emotionally draining. I came to Austin to find myself and focus on building myself up and I need to focus my energy on myself.

I need to focus on my physical and mental health and I intend to use my blog as a way to track my thoughts, struggles and progress.

Things I want to focus on:

  • Thais Gibson’s personal development school – to focus on healing childhood trauma
  • Self massage, gua sha and posture – to align body and remove tension
  • Dance – to regain body awareness
  • Food and nutrition – to feed the healing of my body
  • Sleep – to regain energy and heal myself

Now the next piece is to break down every bit of resistance or difficulty in every aspect.

Personal development school courses

  • Lots of long videos
  • Worksheets
  • Poorly organized

Love and connection: work with Jenny or someone else

Certainty: Timebox, skim through entire course to get understanding

Growth: Capture video blogs throughout to see progress

Massage and Posture

Certainty: Every morning and night, indulge in the sensations

Growth: Capture pictures to see progress

Dance

Certainty: Watch old lessons every morning, feel body

Uncertainty: Try to create something new

Love and connection: Share on social media or with friends

Growth: Create videos of progress

Food and nutrition

Certainty: Cook enough food in the morning to sustain throughout the day, cook food prep that will make it easy and fast, have ritual around eating food (no electronics)

Love and connection: Invite someone over for lunch, share on social media or friends

Sleep

Certainty: Start brushing teeth around 10 PM

Love and connection: write a core wound post before bed or a poem or do some art

 

I also want to focus on weekly health audits and setting up a really nice space to shoot videos and work and play games.

I’m Afraid To Let Go

Byjack
I’m Afraid To Let Go

One day you will see
How you were so focused
On self-soothing
On finding your comfort alone
You forget that you ignored
A man who loved you
For a game
So trivial
You may lose interest in the next month
For you, it’s a question of winning
Of being right or wrong
But for me
It’s a question of love
I wonder
If I have so little self-respect
To spend so much time
Money
Effort
To cheer you up
Just for you to go back to the game
And put me second
Or perhaps this is what love is
And I should keep believing
That you just need
More time
To see
That you can let yourself
Need me

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Valorant 24: Looking Forward

Byjack

I’m thinking ahead to my next goal in Valorant. I think the next step is getting to Ascendant. It is going to take a lot of work just getting back to plat. Here is a VOD review where I got 1 kill the entire game. I reviewed the VOD with my brother’s friend who is a big brained diamond player.

It’s actually interesting, I think I need people who are higher elo but not too much higher because I need someone who can explain a few things, not everything all at once.

Some of the main takeaways from the VOD review on areas I can work on:

  • Playing off of teammates (using the analogy of treating them as a sky dog / sova drone / skye cabbage)
    • Follow them in
    • Use them as a distraction and to gather information
    • If they die, no biggie, they aren’t worth anything to me dead
    • If I cannot trade, I can just fall off
  • Gather notes on what the enemy patterns are
  • Think about how they play worked for them in the past rounds
  • Peek and clear more confidently
  • Don’t be afraid to make noise and util to clear a site, even if they know I’m there, it’s better than planting with no knowledge of where they are
  • Use skye binds to peek, don’t waste the util
  • Any information on someone in the vicinity or at the areas of no control (at the start of the round, or when we give up control) should be treated with extreme caution
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Valorant 26: Back to Basics

Byjack

So I’ve been stuck in Silver 3 forever after the rank reset and it seems that I need to do a second climb to Plat again. Perhaps I just need to relearn the basics better.

So there is a peeking guide by Noted that I’ve been trying to apply for the longest time and I think I finally understand a good mentality and visualization that can make the peeks good. It is interesting because I’ve been feeling so down about Valorant recently but I always tell myself that the lower elo I go, the more freedom I have to innovate, and innovation is definitely the thing I like to do.

So here is Noted’s peeking guide:

He talks in the peeking guide that its just something you “get used to”. But I wanted to find a way to break it down do that anyone could learn it and that you would never overpeak and angle even if you are not far away enough. This idea of drawing a line to the contested “fighting area” allows for a simple visualisation that will ensure you don’t overpeak, and to do noted’s peek, you simply have to think about drawing a longer line.

I demonstrate it here:

Another note, the best way to peak safely with this method is to have the “line” end close to the edge of the wall, allowing you to peek back in if you miss your shot.

The next piece I might need to refine is just counter strafing because that still isn’t that solid for me, especially for moving targets that I need to constantly adjust for. The initial research into this yields that miyagi-do/looking at distance between crosshair and head is the best solution so far. Results have been good, but it hurts my wrist. I am experimenting with a looser grip and using more of the arm to aim.

Here is a good video on it:

Workspace 48: Making Things Up to Myself

Byjack

Today is the day to make things up for myself.

Reminding myself of the mantra:

  1. This is my house
  2. Take time, patience
  3. Take risks
  4. Be ok with silence

Today I want to establish the finances, goals, and structures of my businesses.

This means finishing the following things:

  1. Business plans
  2. Financial plans
  3. Create all necissary business bank accounts
  4. Move around finances
  5. Reinvest stocks
  6. Answer the question, how much am I willing to invest and for how long?

Here is how I want to divide it up:

UNIT ONE: Logistics

  1. Log the new DBA documents
  2. Switch Epiphany AI over to a new account
  3. Switch expenses that are related to business over to new business bank account
  4. Apply for a second business credit card

UNIT TWO: Longterm planning

  1. Answer the question, how much time and money do I want to put into each experiment?

UNIT THREE: Business planning

  1. Finish business plans
  2. Finish financial plans
  3. Finish self growth plans
  4. Finish marketing plans

UNIT ONE: Logistics

  • Logged the new DBA documents
  • Created the new business account
  • Still need to apply for new business credit card and switch over expenses

UNIT TWO: Logistics

  • All I want to do is to set up the funnels for both businesses
  • I am willing to spend 3 months setting up the funnel for both businesses and 2k for the AI Consulting, and 10k for Art Coaching
  • Then I am willing to spend 3 months working on the funnels to see if I want to do it fulltime

UNIT THREE: Business Planning

  • I’m running into issues deciding how my funnels will look
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We Played A Game

Byjack
We Played A Game

The other day

We played a game

It had butterflies in it

My heart felt like a butterfly then

Light in my chest

Now it feels more like the stones

I picked off the ground

Heavy

And painful

As if I swallowed it

And it got stuck

Halfway down

We joked about her being a housewife

I would like that

To put everything that stresses her out

Safety away

And the only thing she would have to worry about

Is me

My desires

And the hunger I have

Like a fire

So ravenous, it threatens to take us both

We could take care of each other

Like in the game

But life isn’t a game

It’s not enough to just don’t starve

You have to forge your path through life

Create the road you walk on

I would be happy to be her home

Her comfort

If she could just find her way to me