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Unsure of What I’m Doing in France
* I wrote this on Jan 15th…gonna leave it as a journal entry for now.
I feel unhappy right now. I feel like I can’t work on the things I want to work on. I feel stressed out that my relationship won’t work out. I don’t know what I’m doing here in France. I actually very much dislike the country. I am worried that coaching is not the thing that I actually want to do. I find it hard to find myself and feel myself in this relationship. I wonder if that is because of me not knowing myself, coaching not being the thing I want to do, or if this is the wrong place for me.
Right now I don’t feel like working on coaching or thinking about coaching.
I want to work on something that is purely interesting to me and something that is actually fun.
I think that thing right now is making a story creation bot in python using large language models.
In order to write a halfway decent story, I believe you need a couple of things:
- Strong characters
- Strong plot
- Premise, moral or lesson
- Great dialog
Workpost 50: Fundamentals
Today is kinda busy and I want to focus on fundamentals – clearing out my todo list, getting all the UNIT ONE things crossed off my list, editing my interview with Danuta Hinc etc.
I also want to focus on the thing that I’ve put off for months, setting up my black out curtains. If I can get that set up today, then I will have accomplished something big.
If I’m able to sort out all the fundamentals. Then the next things to focus on for my business are the following:
- AI Consulting mood board
- Art coaching sketching
- Hubspot and CRM exploration
Silence Speaks In Terrible Ways
Silence Speaks In Terrible Ways
She told me she thought I wouldn’t notice
When she only replied to a handful of things
Of a series of long letters I wrote
How could I not notice
When I spend an hour
Pouring my heart out
Waiting every second of the day
For a response
She tells me she likes it when I write long letters
But I have grown wary of them
When I know
Most of it
Will never receive a response
She probably thinks that no response is better than a bad response
But silence is a response
It’s a blank check
For the deepest fears
And paranoia
Lurking in your brain
Letting your mind fill in the spaces
With explanations
For why the reason why the truth was too hard to say
Workpost 36: Satisfied
I feel tired today. Back is stiff. Eyes are blurry. Fatigue racks my body.
At least today, I tried to nap and relax in the morning. Will, try to continue today.
My goal is to feel satisfied enough by the end of the end so when I enforce strict bedtime at 11PM, I will feel good about it.
Workspace 48: Making Things Up to Myself
Today is the day to make things up for myself.
Reminding myself of the mantra:
- This is my house
- Take time, patience
- Take risks
- Be ok with silence
Today I want to establish the finances, goals, and structures of my businesses.
This means finishing the following things:
- Business plans
- Financial plans
- Create all necissary business bank accounts
- Move around finances
- Reinvest stocks
- Answer the question, how much am I willing to invest and for how long?
Here is how I want to divide it up:
UNIT ONE: Logistics
- Log the new DBA documents
- Switch Epiphany AI over to a new account
- Switch expenses that are related to business over to new business bank account
- Apply for a second business credit card
UNIT TWO: Longterm planning
- Answer the question, how much time and money do I want to put into each experiment?
UNIT THREE: Business planning
- Finish business plans
- Finish financial plans
- Finish self growth plans
- Finish marketing plans
UNIT ONE: Logistics
- Logged the new DBA documents
- Created the new business account
- Still need to apply for new business credit card and switch over expenses
UNIT TWO: Logistics
- All I want to do is to set up the funnels for both businesses
- I am willing to spend 3 months setting up the funnel for both businesses and 2k for the AI Consulting, and 10k for Art Coaching
- Then I am willing to spend 3 months working on the funnels to see if I want to do it fulltime
UNIT THREE: Business Planning
- I’m running into issues deciding how my funnels will look
Workpost 46: A Black Dragon Called Neelu
Today I came up with a new emotional processing tool, finding a way to personify the feelings within me and making friends with them.
The goal is to accept and validate feelings within instead of trying to push them down or quickly process them.
Here are some examples:
- Valorant stress and anxiety (fear of being bad/defective, fear of failure) – a little black dragon called Neelu. The tension in my stomach and heart are the dragon’s body my frustration its fire.
- The feeling of being overwhelmed by the thought of work – Pedro the Triangle, a pyramid floating in my chest with sharp edges
- The desire/pull for attention or to be liked – Lethe the a sort of fast moving air or energy in my chest
These personification, I make friends with them, allow them to be with me while I go about my business.
I also wanted to talk about a really good video I watched.
Some lessons I learned:
- Stay consistent
- Figure out what you want to be the best at (good enough for others to want to pay you money)
- Figure out what comes before the money in terms that is more grounded and more closer to your purpose
Taking the final advice, I wanted to think about it a little more.
I want to make $200,000.
My two goals are:
- To help people turn their artistic gifts into masterpieces
- Works of art that are honest, emotional, grounded, playful, imaginative, personal, and beautiful
- To make companies 10x more valuable
- More purposeful, unique, efficient, intentional, innovative processes, brands, culture, products and leaders (consistent and aligned)
The question I want to ask myself is: how would I need to go about my goals in such a way that it would be strange if I didn’t make $200,000?