Valorant 38: Back To Structure

Byjack

Today I am back to following the structure I set about in Valorant 30 but with some edits.

UNIT 1: VOD Review

  • Day 1 – Apas – 6/3/23
  • Day 2 – Klaus – 6/4/23
  • Day 3 – Yay – 6/5/23

UNIT 2: Map Understanding

  • Day 1 – Lotus – 6/7/23
  • Day 2 – Split – 6/8/23
  • Day 3 – Bind – 6/9/23

UNIT 3: Mechanical Breakdown

  • Day 1 – Crosshair Placement – 3/15/23
  • Day 2 – Flicking – 3/16/23
  • Day 3 – Spray Control – 3/17/23

Similar Posts

Core Wounds 7

Byjack

Today I want to address the core wounds of feeling creepy and uncomfortable in my own skin.

Awkwardness in the Library

I remember wanting to feel free

To say anything to anyone

To have the power to

Take my destiny in my own hands

And walking up in the library

Feeling so much fear

What if she gives me a weird look

Like the man in new york who beckoned to me

The girl who walked away

No I don’t

She said

We all exist

Here

Perhaps, they are only trying to do the same

To be themselves

To make the world

A safe place for themselves

I can live with them

Leaving

But I’m sad

That it makes me feel alone

Feeling Awful Waking Up

Byjack

Yesterday, I went to bed late. I didn’t want to wake up the next day.

Today was the next day. And it sucked. Just like I had feared. I was tired. I was stressed. I was an hour late to a meeting that was at 8AM.

Today I wanted to find a new solution. I want to find a different way to look at things. And I think I found it.

Here are the key parts of my new mindset:

  1. Think about how much money I want to make today from 0 to about $500. Think about what projects I want to work on that will be worth that much.
  2. Think about how I want to increase the value of the company I am contracted to – so I can have a success story and be paid more.
  3. Take care of myself. Make tea, go for a walk.
  4. Go to a nice place to work, go through my to do list. Create my workpost for the day.

If work is demanded early without having time to prepare, compensate myself an hour. Then bring blankets and other comfy things to my chair to make myself comfy and allow myself to wake up slowly.

How to Face Things Head On

Byjack

So something that I’ve been sort of obsessed with recently is how to face your problems head-on. In so many areas of my life, I struggle to do that. In my professional career, tasks that stress me out send me to my couch with my phone. When I don’t know what to say to my mom and my dad, I immediately turn on my audiobook, eager to dull the pain in my chest. When I am feeling stressed about a fight in Valorant, I rush and try to ignore the mounting feelings of anxiety.

I would really like to find a way to flip the script because it is so rewarding. When I do a task that I worry about, I feel energized, and not tired from work. When I focus on my feelings of anxiety in Valorant, I become much more aware of what my intuition is telling me, that I need to slow down and play the situation very carefully.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SgkiR5tSmo&ab_channel=TheOutcome

I think this is a really interesting concept. I want to make a bit of an amendment. In the video they talk about trying to get better problems, that being able to have money problems when you are rich vs money problems when you are poor is much better (where you invest, vs how to survive). But I kind of disagree. The problem of survival is ultimately a much more rewarding problem for me than where to invest.

I do think that this is a powerful idea, and a way to reframe problems. My thoughts are as follows:

  • Avoiding problems comes from the fear of failure
  • We can address this by embracing failure
  • But we don’t want to just fail at anything…this is where choosing your problems come in
  • Instead of failing at a random problem, embrace failing and learning from a meaningful problem
  • Ex: I am afraid I don’t know how to respond to my parents
    • The meaningful problem here is to learn to create a bond with my parents while standing strong in my own life and boundaries
    • Accept failure and believe in my ability to learn from a failure at this problem
  • Essentially, turn every problem into a challenge
  • Another example: I don’t know what to do next in my demo build and it’s overwhelming and a lot of work
    • The meaningful problem here is finding how to be efficient at my job, and to work as a team without people pleasing to my own detriment (creating boundaries)
    • Accept failure at this and my ability to learn from that failure

The Uncool Kid

Byjack

Breaking Down What Racial Discrimination Really Is

Byjack

I believe that racial discrimination exists primarily in today’s day and age in two forms:

  • Attractiveness. We know attractiveness is partly biological, but it is also in large part cultural. White people are considered more attractive than other races. We also know “pretty privilege” exists and has a profound effect on how trustworthy, successful and smart someone is. We are biologically and socially hardwired to like attractive people.
  • Social economics. We know that white people own most of the wealth. We also know wealth is generational and can give you a huge advantage in life.

Let’s just run through a few examples:

  • Who has a better chance of being an actor? What about a tik tok star? An attractive person or an unattractive person?
  • Who has a better chance of being a banker? Or a real estate agent? Someone who’s parents are investment bankers, or if their parents worked at Mcdonalds?

I believe that affirmative action and other tools to remove bias are not meant to “even the playing field” or create an “equality of outcome” (even distributions) but rather to counteract biases that may be counter to the correct action or truth. For example, hiring a more attractive person even though they are lazier, dumber and have less experience.

I do believe that race can be very complicated and there are many instances that are not being considered here. However, I feel that those cases are more niche and require more thinking as to the best solution, such as:

  • Perceptions of blacks as more capable of crime. 
  • Women not succeeding as much because of childbearing.

Broadly it is clear to me that this has two main implications:

  • Mainstream ideas about race discount the disadvantages of “ugly” low-income white people.
  • Mainstream race theory overcompensates for perceived roadblocks of “attractive” wealthy minorities (as they are not only privileged but are often touted as the beacons of hope when they are benefitting from the same system that is currently creating bias).

The only two things I would support affirmative action for would be affirmation action for looks (I don’t know how this would be measured exactly) and for social economic status. I believe that affirmation action in these two areas would:

  • Disproportionally benefit minorities as they are considered uglier and are often poorer
  • It would call attention to bias that we have very often in our own lives, a bias that affects our ability to make clear and rational decisions
  • We would see many competent and talented people who were formerly ignored, be brought to the top

Finally, I would say that all races and all people struggle with issues. There is little to no point in trying to make everyone happy. The main point is to somehow come up with a system where our biases have checks and balances that will guide us to making the most rational and clear decisions.

Being someone who has grown up a minority in America, there is a big wound racism creates within you, a feeling that there is something wrong with you. However, those wounds are opportunities to heal and become wiser, they are not something that everyone else needs to carefully tiptoe around (and be politically correct about). Wounds and pain are not bad things. We can show compassion without enabling people to not grow emotionally and not face their own demons.