Today, I have many different paths that I can walk down.
I can focus on work. I can spar with my friend, I can go to jiujitsu. I could try to do it all. But I feel weary and tired from not sleeping yesterday. I feel stressed and pressured, and so I want to focus on a few things.
I suppose, first thing is first, I need to focus on work, because without that I cannot be focused tomorrow. Nothing matters until I get that piece done, and once that part is done, all manner of things are possible.
I did indeed get that done, and I feel extremely proud of the work I did.
I ran with the ideas last night, of dance and music and I can say I feel extremely sad. Something about how much I miss this part of me. I feel sad about the weight I’ve been carrying around for so long. I feel sad because sadness acknowledges the pain in the world without shying away from it.
I watched this video last night:
I remember in art there is no right or wrong way to go about something. Just like in life. I feel we forget that a lot.
For some reason, I feel the desire to write stories. Here is a space for some freewriting:
A shark was washed onto the shore. That was the day when I asked my next door neighbor Amy to marry me. We were both 12 at the time. Amy was a quiet sort of girl, not shy, just took a while to think about things before she talked. When she did, she didn’t say much.
She looked at me up and down as if she was trying to size me up.
“So what do you say Amy?”
I wonder if this is how the shark felt. He was already dead when he was on shore, but his eyes seemed to look at you as if to say…well? What’s up?
“I don’t know,” Amy finally responded. Her fingers figeting.
“You don’t know?”
“Yea.”
“That’s ok!” I said. I was 12 and I felt invincible…
I feel sad because of how much of this I repressed within my self.
In terms of work, I feel I’ve done the experiment and I can officially say to myself, working on too many things at the same time does not work towards my strengths. I think I need to focus on one focus every day. If I get to a second one, then that’s good. Also, I can have many low effort progress toward every goal, but it can’t be the main focus.
In doing one main thing, I might be able to go to bed much sooner which is something of great concern to me.
I have a new structure I want to propose for my matches.
5 mins – pregame win conditions (set my win conditions for the match)
15 mins – warmup
40 mins – the match itself
postgame eval (see how close I am to my win conditions)
Match 1
Objectives: Go through todo list and work list for anything quick and get it done or make progress
Win conditions:
Speed: how quickly I make decisions and make progress (percentile)
Precision: how accurate my decisions are (percentile)
Ease: how rejuvenated and relaxed I feel (1-5)
Innovation: how creative and efficient “smart” my solutions are (percentile)
Post match review:
I went through the tasks pretty fast and I was left trying to find more work to do. I thought some tasks were super tedious and it makes sense why I didn’t want to do them. I did experience some stress from the sheer speed I was going at and some breaks might have been nice.
Speed: 65% percentile, fast but not crazy
Precision: 65% percentile, accurate but nothing crazy
Ease: 2 I honestly feel kinda tired, maybe no breaks
Innovation: 20% percentile, not really innovative at all
I haven’t figure out a way to do the process of downloading statements faster before I started. I didn’t think particularly much about the upwork post before I did it. One thing I learned is a little of prep might go a long way also, some breaks can help.
Today I did a long breathwork meditation session after feeling extremely stressed out about three questions:
Should I sign up for jiujitsu again?
Should I do coaching again?
Should I continue therapy?
And all the worrying stressful sub questions:
What about the money for jiujitsu
Jiujitsu is so hard to get good at
People might not buy my coaching if I didn’t do something really big
Therapy costs so much money is it worth it?
And after the meditation, one thing was clear to me. The answer to everything: take everything so much less serious. Have fun!!!
If you have fun doing jiujitsu, sign up for it, go to classes when you feel like it. Have an amazing time doing work. If you love coaching, do it whether or not people believe that you are a good coach or not.
Enjoy yourself. Indulge yourself in boba while working. Take breaks to play on the piano, to draw.
P.S. I did sign up for jiujitsu, and I intend to have fun learning tons of new martial arts.
So I’m pretty frustrated because this is the second time I am writing this blog post. The first time I wrote this blog post, the post was bugging out and didn’t save properly.
Not too happy about that.
In the spirit of growth, I am going to let go of that blog post and focus on creating an entirely new one without losing the essence of what I wanted to say in the first one I wrote.
This morning I was feeling really stressed out and I was really enjoying my walk. I feel like this whole questions meditations thing has really worked out. I really like journaling at night, and walking during the day. Before when I was forcing myself to go outside because I felt like I had to, I kinda hated it. It was nice once I got outside, but before then it was pretty awful.
Now, since I know I’m going use the time to meditate on some of the questions I have in my heart, I feel really excited and motivated to go outside in the morning.
Here are the main things I was stressed out about this morning:
My career, didn’t know where I was going next
My medical bills, spent 8k on a new medical device, hundreds more for my GI doctor
My financial issues, I spent 700 more than I made yesterday
My coaching career, still not anywhere close to making enough money to be self sufficient
I could move back home, but then I’m worried about having a place for my girlfriend to visit me
And through my amazing short 20 minute walk, here are the answers I got:
Acknowledge that you are taking a huge risk by paying 1,700 per month on rent with very little income and building coaching business from 0
Risk is not a bad thing, it is an incredible catalyst for growth
Risk means, now is the time to shine. Focus on the few things that matter most
Building an really strong foundation of health, a very strong structure for getting stuff done
Changing the lives of my current coaching clients
Work slowly towards my career in AI
It’s ok to invest money in the medical bills because they directly help with my foundational health goal. Double down on the investment by focusing a lot on sleep and digestion.
Let go of all other goals and distractions because now is go time. Just work on small projects or really gradual work.
Today is kinda busy and I want to focus on fundamentals – clearing out my todo list, getting all the UNIT ONE things crossed off my list, editing my interview with Danuta Hinc etc.
I also want to focus on the thing that I’ve put off for months, setting up my black out curtains. If I can get that set up today, then I will have accomplished something big.
If I’m able to sort out all the fundamentals. Then the next things to focus on for my business are the following:
