Workpost 59: Feeling frustrated
I’m really struggling to process some feelings right now.
- I am working through the stressful emotions that come up when I see an attractive girl
- I am working through overwhelmed and frustrated emotions with my current project for my AI consulting
- I am working through fear and stress I feel working on my pipelines
- I am working through feeling of fear and anxiety around money
Let’s work through them one by one.
Attractive girl
Guilt, shame, deep desire
Center of my chest, painful clenching
Stomach clenching
I am bad
I am defective
I am ugly
I am guilty
I am rejected
I won’t ever find beauty or be happy
What if the perfect one is out there
It’s not about the perfect person who meets all your needs. It’s the relationship that meets all of your needs.
Why do I place all my hopes and dreams on a person? Because I want to be happy and I’ve only felt that in shallow relationships. I like meeting people. I like the feeling of possibility in life of variety.
Can I meet those needs in a relationship? Can I find novelty and excitement in a relationship?
Why is desire such an important need for adventures for me? Just because I’m in a relationship, doesn’t mean I can’t be attractive. But I want to find someone attractive, then for them and me to do the little romantic dance. I worry when I’m in a relationship, that’s not possible anymore.
I think honestly the fear comes from lack of needs being met in the relationship. Specifically around safety, social needs, chemistry, and inspiration. I feel if I felt if I felt safe to talk openly about people that are attractive and my partner is secure enough in herself, I felt my social needs are met, I felt strong chemistry, and inspired I would not find others attractive.
I want to switch my mindset over from comparing and wanting to meet my needs via others, and focus more on the relationship. Looking elsewhere is giving up on the relationship and if I really want to look elsewhere, I want to first end the relationship.
I don’t want to neglect my needs anymore.
I want to first meet my needs myself, then in the relationship:
- Safety – self acceptance and kindness
- Social needs – be in touch with moment, who people really are
- Chemistry – spending more time on self care, self massage
- Inspiration – reminding myself of the greatness I am capable of, of the change I can create
For the relationship, I want to continue working through needs course.
I feel fear in my chest when I think about my relationship. I feel uncertainty.
No matter what happens I will find peace and happiness because of the way I engage with the world.
My little emotional processing toolkit for meeting my needs:
- Radical acceptance, hold myself, be curious, somatic
- Self love, massage
- Be in the moment, see things how they are
Chemistry
The indescribable feeling
Like the beauty of the red in the roses
Unfurled
Cutting in the corners, filling then in
This feeling of a world around you
That you carry everywhere you go
Our worlds meet
The openness to connect with me
Ok, this raises so many questions it is time to move along
Project Frustration
I feel lost, overwhelmed, and misunderstood.
What if I fail? What if its all for nothing? I don’t know what to do. It feels like so much work.
I don’t know what to do to be effective. I feel the time is running out so fast.
I need to focus on the end goal. Ignore everything else, its just a bonus.