It’s somehow very comforting to have these work posts, as if I’m not completely alone while completing these tasks. Not just alone with my todo list.
I think its time to do a full todo list cleanup. Try my hand at every single item and see how far I can get.
Today, I have many different paths that I can walk down.
I can focus on work. I can spar with my friend, I can go to jiujitsu. I could try to do it all. But I feel weary and tired from not sleeping yesterday. I feel stressed and pressured, and so I want to focus on a few things.
I suppose, first thing is first, I need to focus on work, because without that I cannot be focused tomorrow. Nothing matters until I get that piece done, and once that part is done, all manner of things are possible.
I did indeed get that done, and I feel extremely proud of the work I did.
One of the most recent realizations is that Valorant is meeting my need for significance maybe in a narcissistic way.
One of the ways that I can fulfill my needs and move on to getting more work done is by reassuring myself that even if I’m not getting better, even if I don’t win I am worthy, I am ok.
Today I really want to focus on getting all the contract work done but also visiting non-profits and getting more information about them.
If I can, I also want to be in good shape for jiujitsu and will probably need a bit of napping to get there.
Something else I was thinking about watching some podcasts about fighters today, when I go to jiujitsu, I go to learn and be really good at grappling and self-defense, but that’s not really my focus right now.
I’m really focused on my businesses, and in order to stay focused, I want to focus everything in my life on that.
This means jiujitsu is less about being good at grappling or fighting, but much more about being healthy, relieving stress, and getting a break from the computer.
I’m feeling kinda shitty right now trying to get past the lack of sleep I got today.
What I’m going to start out with is going to a nice place to work and get the basics done, then try to go to the gym and take a nap when I can relax my body enough.
After that, I’ll consider creating a focus for the day on what I want to complete.
Today I would like to work on my personal website.
I want it to reflect all the things that it represents for me:
Today I feel the need to process more emotions. I got some leads, but I’m afraid to call them. I don’t want to call them at all.
It feels boring, annoying, and painful.
I’m afraid if I call these people that I’m going to be sent to voicemail, or pressured to answer questions I don’t know the answer to. I’m afraid I will say something wrong that will mess it up, or that none of these leads are real.
I feel this burning numbing fear in center and left and right of my chest.
It feels like a plastic cage like a kids toy. It hurts like swallowing a hard candy that is a little too big.
Everyone I’m calling are just people like me.
But what if they don’t want to talk to me. What if they want me to leave them alone? Why do people sign up for things and then decide they don’t want to talk about them? What if I need to act excited and interested but I’m not?
The point is to vet these people, they might not want to work with you but you might not want to work with them on the same token.
UPDATE: I ended up calling and securing one meeting!
I need to do some brainstorming about my new niche.
I do think that banking is not a niche I want to start in because it is harder to take someone who is making a lot of money and make them purposeful than it is to take someone who is purposeful and help them make money. At least for me. At least while I don’t have a proven track record yet.
If I focus on the non-profit arena, the goal is to understand current what the state is with non-profits. I don’t know how to answer that question except by talking to people working there.
I may have some people who can help in that arena but I don’t know if reaching out to them will take some time, and even if they do, what is the answer? I just don’t know if they can speak to the whole industry.
Here are my thoughts:
Ideas from AI:
I am also thinking about the 10k for for-profit companies and wondering if non-profits have something similar in the forms they must make publicly available in the 990 and 1023.
Here are the non-profits I want to look at:
Looking into job postings:
Non-profit conferences:
Today I feel a bit scattered between cooking and working on multiple things at the same time. I feel the need to create some order or at least some vision for today.
Here are the possibilities today:
Today I feel tired. Coming off of a early morning and a workout, watching a lot of Valorant, I’m in a position where I still feel a bit tired. I’m excited to update my blog, but I’m not so sure about the marketing call.
I really hope to make money off of my passion and find success in the AI space finally and I hope today’s session will help with that.
I feel strongly that I want to preserve boundaries with this coach because I feel he doesn’t respect boundaries for some reason.
I feel nervous and uncomfortable with the call. For some reason I feel he has a bit of a temper and is not good at listening.
But I can protect myself, I am his client and I have a bit of a temper too if it comes down to it.
I’ll take my time and be as clear and direct as possible with him.
My main issue is that I feel uncomfortable disagreeing with him. I feel unsafe. When processing it, I decided to be very clear about what he is saying and then say my views/opinions.
I’m having trouble getting work done today. I’m going to focus on the taoist productivity – work until I feel empty. Also, I want to leave the apartment to feel more productive.
My girlfriend is leaving soon and I want to focus on her and the relationship.
I have a pretty good work system set up, but I’m not sure how to balance work with time with her.
I think the answer is just to wake up early, plan out my day and do as much breakdown as I can, then work while she is next to me in the couch reading, and if not just work during the morning.
These days I feel a bit lethargic. It might just be because I’m recovering from 5ks and need more rest than normal. I also just feel a lot of pressure overall. I see these mornings as a way for me to slowly set up my house, set up my mental space as a good place to work.
I like to go through my to do list, my calendar, and work things out.
On thing that occurs to me when I’m thinking through my to do list is that I’m way to ambitious and unfocused. The point of the to do list is to brain dump and really find the most important high priority thing (using emotional priority not logical priority).
And before I even think about prioritizing, I want to get back to building my house – you are in my house, take risks, be ok with silence, take your time.
Today my main goal is to finish my business cards and website for my art coaching.
Another main system or habit I want to institute, if I miss a time block to do something on my calendar, I delete the event and add it back to my to do list.
I’m struggling with some extreme procrastination where I don’t want to work at all.
Let me try to process.
I feel like there is no point and I feel overwhelmed. I feel it in my chest, this invisible resistance.
I feel scared to shoot more videos, it brings up fear in my heart.
I guess anything I do I can break down into a process instead of doing everything all at once.