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I Wish I Could Hold Her

I Wish I Could Hold Her

You can’t willingly choose to be with someone

For 308 days

And not love them

I feel unsure as to whether I want

To be with her

But I love her so much

I don’t think she knows

Because last time we spoke

I was all harsh and tired and angry

I cry every time I think about what she said

That she looked up airbnbs for me

That she was excited for me to visit her

I love the way she swings her feet when she is excited

I love the little snuffles she makes when she sleeps

I was afraid she had no empathy

But she always did for me

How sad she felt when I am sad

I wish I could hold her

Protect her from the world

It’s complicated because

I feel like maybe 

I can’t be in a relationship now

That I need to be able to explore freely

See what else is out there

Why do I have to hurt my little sloth

For me to get what I want?

I’m happy when she is happy

And I hurt when she hurts

I want to be her friend forever

To comfort her when she cries

To make her laugh and smile

To be there for her when no one else is

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