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Breaking Down What Racial Discrimination Really Is
I believe that racial discrimination exists primarily in today’s day and age in two forms:
- Attractiveness. We know attractiveness is partly biological, but it is also in large part cultural. White people are considered more attractive than other races. We also know “pretty privilege” exists and has a profound effect on how trustworthy, successful and smart someone is. We are biologically and socially hardwired to like attractive people.
- Social economics. We know that white people own most of the wealth. We also know wealth is generational and can give you a huge advantage in life.
Let’s just run through a few examples:
- Who has a better chance of being an actor? What about a tik tok star? An attractive person or an unattractive person?
- Who has a better chance of being a banker? Or a real estate agent? Someone who’s parents are investment bankers, or if their parents worked at Mcdonalds?
I believe that affirmative action and other tools to remove bias are not meant to “even the playing field” or create an “equality of outcome” (even distributions) but rather to counteract biases that may be counter to the correct action or truth. For example, hiring a more attractive person even though they are lazier, dumber and have less experience.
I do believe that race can be very complicated and there are many instances that are not being considered here. However, I feel that those cases are more niche and require more thinking as to the best solution, such as:
- Perceptions of blacks as more capable of crime.
- Women not succeeding as much because of childbearing.
Broadly it is clear to me that this has two main implications:
- Mainstream ideas about race discount the disadvantages of “ugly” low-income white people.
- Mainstream race theory overcompensates for perceived roadblocks of “attractive” wealthy minorities (as they are not only privileged but are often touted as the beacons of hope when they are benefitting from the same system that is currently creating bias).
The only two things I would support affirmative action for would be affirmation action for looks (I don’t know how this would be measured exactly) and for social economic status. I believe that affirmation action in these two areas would:
- Disproportionally benefit minorities as they are considered uglier and are often poorer
- It would call attention to bias that we have very often in our own lives, a bias that affects our ability to make clear and rational decisions
- We would see many competent and talented people who were formerly ignored, be brought to the top
Finally, I would say that all races and all people struggle with issues. There is little to no point in trying to make everyone happy. The main point is to somehow come up with a system where our biases have checks and balances that will guide us to making the most rational and clear decisions.
Being someone who has grown up a minority in America, there is a big wound racism creates within you, a feeling that there is something wrong with you. However, those wounds are opportunities to heal and become wiser, they are not something that everyone else needs to carefully tiptoe around (and be politically correct about). Wounds and pain are not bad things. We can show compassion without enabling people to not grow emotionally and not face their own demons.
Sova Fanart 3: Class Unit 1 Day 3
It’s been a full week since I last drew for this drawing competition. I’ve been feeling a lot of dread because there are so many details in drawing Sova and I don’t feel any closer to getting better at him because it takes so long to draw a full figure.
I drew for a full hour but didn’t get very far.
Here was the reference:

Here is my rough sketch:

And here is my lineart:

The lines don’t feel that confident and don’t seem to be creating forms, more just tracing lines.
I feel that I need to slow down. I like the idea of the exercises but I feel that they need to be broken down further into smaller syllabi. Since I don’t have much time to draw every day and each task every day feels a bit daunting and overwhelming, I need to break them down further to learn at a fast rate.
I also wish I could draw from the live model, but the issue is that you can’t hold an active shot (like shooting or doing the ultimate).
At the same time, I said I would embrace failure and I did. I still believe in my overall plan and I believe when I look back, this will actually be helpful even though its painful right now.
Regaining My Purpose In Dance
Today I had a dance lesson that refocused things for me. See for a while, I felt stuck in dance and even singing and piano to a degree. I felt like I was doing exercises for nothing. Actually, I feel that way with French too.
But I realized recently that doing drills in dance isn’t like doing drills in Valorant (or maybe it is). It isn’t about getting the most kills or winning rounds. At the end of the day, dance is a lot more about painting. It’s about creating something.
Practicing dance is about creating a style, figuring out the kind of experience, world, and impression I want to create on the dance floor at a club, in a party, or just in my house. It is about finding my voice.
A big part of every learning endeavor is about finding motivation because it is always really hard in the beginning, really fucking hard to keep going. When my dance teacher asked me to find inspiration for dance, I didn’t know where to look because none of it made sense to me. Now I sort of understand. I want to create a style or a set of styles that feel like me. The inspiration just helps give me clarity on what that style is. I’m thinking contemporary dance, with some popping, waving, locking and isolation.
Thinking about it now, when I started writing this blog post, I realized it goes much farther than that. It goes to learning French, which is about finding my voice and the way I want to express myself in a new language. Singing and piano is about finding the things I want to create in music. Art is about bringing to life the kinds of paintings that I want to exist in the world, paintings that feel like me (I’m imagining some quirky abstract art now cuz I love that shit).
Art is about finding the spacing in life that you love, your favorite food, your favorite movie, book and song and combining that with the joy of expressing yourself. Art is about creating a beautiful space in the world for yourself and other people.
Think about a painting. A beautiful painting that you hang on the wall, or sell to someone else to hang on their wall. Think about the way that it would transform the space, create joy and wonder. That is what art is about. I think some people get lost. They think about is about technique. Or worse, they think art is about theory and about ideas. Sure art is all those things, but it isn’t ABOUT those things. The theories, the technique is all a PART of a feeling, an aesthetic that will make the world more comfy and beautiful in your eyes.
Letting The Empress Take The Wheel
My sister and I have this joke about the empress. According to a tarrot reading, my sister needs to rely more on her “inner empress”. What does this mean? Well apparently the emperor card stands for searching out and controlling the world, while the empress waits for the world to come to her.
This actually is in line with a thought process I had myself about being yourself.
Feeling free to be yourself = happiness. Feeling like you cannot be yourself is the root of ALL unhappiness. But how to be yourself is another very difficult story.
One way is a method I like to call, “Letting the empress take the wheel”.
Unsure of What I’m Doing in France
* I wrote this on Jan 15th…gonna leave it as a journal entry for now.
I feel unhappy right now. I feel like I can’t work on the things I want to work on. I feel stressed out that my relationship won’t work out. I don’t know what I’m doing here in France. I actually very much dislike the country. I am worried that coaching is not the thing that I actually want to do. I find it hard to find myself and feel myself in this relationship. I wonder if that is because of me not knowing myself, coaching not being the thing I want to do, or if this is the wrong place for me.
Right now I don’t feel like working on coaching or thinking about coaching.
I want to work on something that is purely interesting to me and something that is actually fun.
I think that thing right now is making a story creation bot in python using large language models.
In order to write a halfway decent story, I believe you need a couple of things:
- Strong characters
- Strong plot
- Premise, moral or lesson
- Great dialog