Manipulators Are The Ones Who Are Weak

I’ve been making everything a workpost these days. Because I like it. I like feeling the pride that I’m getting work done. But today, I’m going to try something a little different.

I want to write a little different. Not as a workpost, but a journal entry or maybe an essay.

I want to try writing with more of my emotions, seeking to express and be understood rather just recording my thoughts.

Today I felt very angry with myself. I felt like a failure. It’s been days and every day feels like a repeat of the same nightmare. Wake up, work, play Valorant, go to bed.

The deadline for my entrepreneurship endeavor feels like it is creeping closer and closer, and nothing feels like it is getting done. I feel like I’m drowning under the waves of my anxiety and stress. What if three months pass, and I get nothing done, just like I’ve gotten nothing done in the last 3 months?

In times like this, I feel desperate for answers. I search and I search for some answer to hold onto, some insight that will unlock my mind and set me free from this torment.

The answers didn’t come cleanly. But they did come.

First, I thought about my worries and wins. I wrote them down.

I thought about how really big goals aren’t completed by thinking about the goals, but about who you want to become, and being that person every day.

I thought about how focus was about letting things go, being ok with certain things slipping away.

I remembered my theories: connection theory, and flow theory. I used flow theory to feel my discomfort and soothe myself. Flow theory told me to hold my arms up in the wide circle, almost as if I was giving a hug to an imaginary friend. I needed to do this when I felt the feeling of letting myself down. Like I needed to hold myself and remind myself that I really cared.

I asked myself what I was willing to give myself, what I was willing to do today in order to prove to myself that I cared. And I wrote this:

Website Copy Draft

The path to greatness doesn’t have to be a lonely one
Have you always wanted to write a book, create a comic book, or start a youtube channel?
I specialize in helping people who are retired start one their second career…a career in creative expression.
I believe that there are 3 pillars to success in creating any artistic masterpiece – structure, creativity, and emotional honesty.
Master all three and you will have a work that will feel honest, raw, playful, and beautiful.
But it’s a lonely path to seek this on your own.
That’s where I come in.

With a unique background of both art and engineering, I uniquely understand the feeling and structure, and psychology required to complete the masterpiece of a lifetime. I won multiple awards for art as a child, and got a full scholarship to college for fine art. I am versed in multiple forms of art be it painting, videography, writing, music, and dance. I also studied mechanical engineering and have won awards in the corporate setting for my dedication to the details, practicality, and results orientation.

Together, I can help you express what it is that you want to express in a beautiful, deep, and artistic way.

Tomorrow, I will ask myself the same question. What am I willing to do for myself, my future me.

I’ve been making everything a workpost these days. Because I like it. I like feeling the pride that I’m getting work done. But today, I’m going to try something a little different.

I want to write a little different. Not as a workpost, but a journal entry or maybe an essay.

I want to try writing with more of my emotions, seeking to express and be understood rather just recording my thoughts.

Today I felt very angry with myself. I felt like a failure. It’s been days and every day feels like a repeat of the same nightmare. Wake up, work, play Valorant, go to bed.

The deadline for my entrepreneurship endeavor feels like it is creeping closer and closer, and nothing feels like it is getting done. I feel like I’m drowning under the waves of my anxiety and stress. What if three months pass, and I get nothing done, just like I’ve gotten nothing done in the last 3 months?

In times like this, I feel desperate for answers. I search and I search for some answer to hold onto, some insight that will unlock my mind and set me free from this torment.

The answers didn’t come cleanly. But they did come.

First, I thought about my worries and wins. I wrote them down.

I thought about how really big goals aren’t completed by thinking about the goals, but about who you want to become, and being that person every day.

I thought about how focus was about letting things go, being ok with certain things slipping away.

I remembered my theories: connection theory, and flow theory. I used flow theory to feel my discomfort and soothe myself. Flow theory told me to hold my arms up in the wide circle, almost as if I was giving a hug to an imaginary friend. I needed to do this when I felt the feeling of letting myself down. Like I needed to hold myself and remind myself that I really cared.

I asked myself what I was willing to give myself, what I was willing to do today in order to prove to myself that I cared. And I wrote this:

Website Copy Draft

The path to greatness doesn’t have to be a lonely one
Have you always wanted to write a book, create a comic book, or start a youtube channel?
I specialize in helping people who are retired start one their second career…a career in creative expression.
I believe that there are 3 pillars to success in creating any artistic masterpiece – structure, creativity, and emotional honesty.
Master all three and you will have a work that will feel honest, raw, playful, and beautiful.
But it’s a lonely path to seek this on your own.
That’s where I come in.

With a unique background of both art and engineering, I uniquely understand the feeling and structure, and psychology required to complete the masterpiece of a lifetime. I won multiple awards for art as a child, and got a full scholarship to college for fine art. I am versed in multiple forms of art be it painting, videography, writing, music, and dance. I also studied mechanical engineering and have won awards in the corporate setting for my dedication to the details, practicality, and results orientation.

Together, I can help you express what it is that you want to express in a beautiful, deep, and artistic way.

Tomorrow, I will ask myself the same question. What am I willing to do for myself, my future me.