|

What Makes Me Cry

Byjack
What Makes Me Cry

It’s not the fact that I loved her

Or the fact she used to read my blog every morning

Or the sound of her pretty voice

Or her jokes

Her emotions

Her caring side

Her acceptance of everything about me, even the dark parts

Her deep love for me

Or her photographs

Not her neediness

Or her eagerness to please me

What makes me cry

Is thinking about

How I always thought

I would be the one

To take her

Away from all the pain and suffering in her life

Hold her in my arms every night

Give her a space to heal and blossom

I thought I would be the one

To save her

But I’m not

That

Makes me cry

Similar Posts

| |

Workpost 25: Tired and Weak

Byjack

Tired

I feel so tired

And weak

I just want to sleep

But the worries gnaw at me until I am awake

I look for comfort

Anywhere I can find it

I’m just feeling exhausted and I wonder what it takes to get well rested again. Maybe I can try to take a nap. Right now my physical health is the most important things to me. My eyes ache. My back aches. My sinuses ache.

The main issues that I’m working through is trying to understand what I am selling for coaching and also what I am selling for AI. For coaching I figured out the high price which is 25,000 for helping someone make their dream (creative) project a reality, whether it is a book, video, painting, etc.

I’ve been told multiple times to look for things that might be more affordable, but I actually thought about it a lot and I don’t think I can think of anything like that.

I just want to work on coaching a few clients who want to do something really special, beautiful, and profound.

Turning my attention to AI, I want to do something similar. Make the impossible possible. Provide 10x value, charge high prices.

|

Warmth

Byjack
Warmth

I feel the warmth in my skin

As if she is with me

Safe and soft

I love her

Because yesterday

She made me feel safe

She made me feel close

She made feel like she belonged to me

There are so many worries

So many challenges

Some caused by me

Some caused by her

And some caused by no one

Just by our circumstances

But when I feel her close

My heart feels like it wants to fly

And I feel

Warm

|

Snuggles

Byjack

Snuggles

I snuggle next to my little sloth

Her bright eyes shining at me

Laughter across her face

I feel the soft warmth of her

All around me when I kiss her cheek

She smells good

It’s nice to be held in her arms

Core Beliefs 5

Byjack

I don’t know exactly if this is a core wound, but I strongly believe that I am responsible for people’s emotions and that I am a bad person.

In order to process this (a rebalance my emotions), I am going to focus on a time when I hurt someone and focus on the part right before it so I can remember that there is a good reason for doing what I did and perhaps have a little more compassion for myself.

The Phone Call

She was a lonely girl

Quiet and shy

I wanted to be kind

By being a good friend

But she seemed to want more

When she asked me

If she could sleep in my bed

What to do

If she was sexually frustrated

I did my best to set my boundaries

I did my best to be firm

But she kept pushing

And it was too much

I knew too little

To do anything than

To push her away hard

After years

Of sending me letters and emails

She must have know

I didn’t want to talk

I just wish

She knew

It wasn’t her fault

That I didn’t like her

But I needed

To be able to say no

Core Wounds 8

Byjack

Today I wanted to look at the core wound of feeling like no one will truly understand me and or truly love me.

Sharing Circle

I was in the circle

Of kings they said

I didn’t want to be there

I was just too sad

But they opened up the space for me

To tell my story

Of how I fell in love with a girl

Who I felt others wouldn’t approve of

But I still loved

How I felt like things went wrong

But not because I broke them

But because life

Sometimes

Isn’t easy or simple

I cried

When I thought about it

Felt safe to feel it

Like the time when I was at the party

Solomon turned to me

And said

I know how that feels

And Tim asked me to

Channel it into the karaoke 

My pain my loss

I feel that pain now

|

My Father Tells Me It’s Going to Be Hard

Byjack
My Father Tells Me It’s Going to Be Hard

As I sit on the chair and explain to him my life dreams

I was so caught up in listening to his objections

And explaining to him how it would be successful

I forgot to tell him that this is what makes me feel alive

I forget to tell it to him in a way

That he wouldn’t respond with judgement

And disgust

As if one’s purpose was something flimsy and cheap

Not the energy

That created the great figures

He admires so much